I'm all done with chemo, all done with cancer. I am a survivor. I fought, I won.
That said, why am I still questioning every little ache and pain? (My lump didn't even hurt!) Yes, I've read the books and articles and blogs. It's natural to question myself now that I've finished treatment. "Am I doing all I can do, etc?" It's normal to have these feelings.
Well, vindicating the feelings don't make them a squat easier to deal with. I warned the nurse practitioner at the onco office that I was likely to call her every time I got a mosquito bite. I haven't. I at least have enough good sense left to realize that I'm 47, didn't do much in the way of exercise this winter and I shoveled dirt for landscaping yesterday. Logically I would be more surprised if my back didn't ache.
Then I log on to say I finally had someone look at me and say, "I like the short 'do." But instead of hitting the sharepost button my fingers developed a will of their own and before I knew it I was looking up info on metatastic symptoms in the lower back. Sheesh.
Survival of the species is the first instinct dictated by Mother Nature. But you would think we humans have at least enough will power to allow logic to prevail over our typing fingers. Apparently not. PTSD takes control of the will and the fingers fly over the keyboard.
Returning to normal seems to take as much emotional strength as fighting the cancer did. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder rehabilitation. Crawl, Walk, Run.... right? Baby steps to the "normal" that is comfortable to me.
So, that's today's advice. Realize you are either in a traumatic situation, or have already gone through it, and the long-term effects are very real and very stressful. Don't swat the hand that reaches for the phone to call the onco offce. Give yourself credit too. War is hell, even if the battle was with a lump the size (oddly enough) of a bullet.
