Nov 3 will mark 2 years and 2 months since I said goodbye to my 2 breasts.  It was a traumatic day because I knew I would not look the same or feel the same about my body.  Hey, they weren't greatest boobs... at 58 they were heading a lot more South than North, but they were mine!  I had the other female parts removed 10 years earlier so they were what was left that made me a woman.  My husband was entertained by them and my babies were fed by them.  They filled out my shirts and gave me the proportions that signified to the world that I was female.  Not having to wear a bra is the only plus to a bilateral mastectomy!

I knew I would have reconstruction before I had the mastectomy.  I have friends that said I would feel differently afterward and might not even want to.  Yes, I feel like my body has been through a war zone and I've got the battle scars to prove it.  Facing another really big surgery makes me nervous.  The fact that it takes 2 plastic surgeons 12 hours to re-mold me (tram flap) and I'll be in the hospital at least 5 days gives me pause... they kicked me out just 23.5 hours after the mastectomy!  Yikes!  How much more traumatic must this surgery be!!!  It's a lot to wrap my head around, so yes, I'm apprehensive but at the same time very excited.  I want my shape back... minus the drooping and with a tummy tuck!  I want to feel normal when I look in the mirror. 

I'm having reconstruction for me, but I'm also having this for my three sisters who didn't have a choice.  I'm doing this for my daughters who may face this in the future and for my aunts and cousins who share the BRCA1 gene... it's okay.  Cancer does not win!!!