Okay...so the post surgery high has worn off!

Friday, September 19, 2008

Today I've had enough.  Roll the calendar to B.C. (Before the BIG C!) or better yet, A.D. (After Deliverance from  the BIG C!).  The post surgery numb is long gone and my chest feels like it's been attacked by an orbital sander.  Happy drugs... not happy enough.  I had hoped that after the tape and tubes came off yesterday that this torture would all magically disappear... but no.  I think my shirt must be made of steel wool.  Well enough pity party.  This too shall pass and hopefully soon before hubby locks himself in the closet for protection.  Run kitties, run!

I met with the Medical Oncology department today.  Dr. Vanhealst spent a lot of time explaining different forms of treatment for breast cancer.  It was pretty overwhelming so I'll be doing a lot of reading to try to make sense of it.  What it comes down to is tailoring treatment according to the probability of cancer recurrence.  I've got early detection, small tumor size and bilateral mastectomy on the side of recurrence prevention.  But... and I really hate that little word... the tumor was a high grade aggressive cancer, 98% estrogen receptive and again, the family history is working against me.  Dr. VanHealst wanted to give me all the options because it really is ultimately a choice I have to make.  There are new tests like the Oncotype DX which could analyze the tumor further to predict recurrence, but in my case it's not likely to bring down the odds because it's already known to be aggressive.  So although I'd hoped the treatments would not have to include chemotherapy, my gut feeling is that it's the right choice to make.  I think I may hate my guts!  A wayward cell floating around in there could put me back to square one at some point in the future and I do not want to do this again.  A little overkill now will go a long way toward peace of mind.

This next week is loaded with more appointments preliminary to chemo.  They're not long, just spread out.   Why is it they've never heard of bundling?  I think I'll just move into a broom closet somewhere in the hospital to save time, gas and rubber.  In spite of ugly traffic, I'm glad I live so close to good medical care.  Treatments won't start for a week or two and will be spread out over 3-6 months depending on the regimen, followed up with a couple years of aromatase inhibitor.  Well somebody has to keep the pharmaceutical industry in business!  Bring it on...  I'm ready to go for it.  Besides, at this time of year there are lots of cool fright wigs on sale!  Bride of Frankenstein, here I come!

I'm so fortunate to have a lot of friends who know how to pray and I thank them all for being my support team.  Please keep on praying because it makes a difference.  It doesn't look like I'll be getting new boobs for Christmas this year after all, but next near is soon enough to work on FABULOUS!  Ick happens... it's only temporary.

Melanie