Okay...so the post surgery high has worn off!

By Melanie Sunday, September 21, 2008

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Friday, September 19, 2008

Today I've had enough. Roll the calendar to B.C. (Before the BIG C!) or better yet, A.D. (After Deliverance from the BIG C!). The post surgery numb is long gone and my chest feels like it's been attacked by an orbital sander. Happy drugs... not happy enough. I had hoped that after the tape and tubes came off yesterday that this torture would all magically disappear... but no. I think my shirt must be made of steel wool. Well enough pity party. This too shall pass and hopefully soon before hubby locks himself in the closet for protection. Run kitties, run!

I met with the Medical Oncology department today. Dr. Vanhealst spent a lot of time explaining different forms of treatment for breast cancer. It was pretty overwhelming so I'll be doing a lot of reading to try to make sense of it. What it comes down to is tailoring treatment according to the probability of cancer recurrence. I've got early detection, small tumor size and bilateral mastectomy on the side of recurrence prevention. But... and I really hate that little word... the tumor was a high grade aggressive cancer, 98% estrogen receptive and again, the family history is working against me. Dr. VanHealst wanted to give me all the options because it really is ultimately a choice I have to make. There are new tests like the Oncotype DX which could analyze the tumor further to predict recurrence, but in my case it's not likely to bring down the odds because it's already known to be aggressive. So although I'd hoped the treatments would not have to include chemotherapy, my gut feeling is that it's the right choice to make. I think I may hate my guts! A wayward cell floating around in there could put me back to square one at some point in the future and I do not want to do this again. A little overkill now will go a long way toward peace of mind.

This next week is loaded with more appointments preliminary to chemo. They're not long, just spread out. Why is it they've never heard of bundling? I think I'll just move into a broom closet somewhere in the hospital to save time, gas and rubber. In spite of ugly traffic, I'm glad I live so close to good medical care. Treatments won't start for a week or two and will be spread out over 3-6 months depending on the regimen, followed up with a couple years of aromatase inhibitor. Well somebody has to keep the pharmaceutical industry in business! Bring it on... I'm ready to go for it. Besides, at this time of year there are lots of cool fright wigs on sale! Bride of Frankenstein, here I come!

I'm so fortunate to have a lot of friends who know how to pray and I thank them all for being my support team. Please keep on praying because it makes a difference. It doesn't look like I'll be getting new boobs for Christmas this year after all, but next near is soon enough to work on FABULOUS! Ick happens... it's only temporary.

Melanie

Hair and boobs and groupies... oh my!

Comments (14) | Add comment

Maria Gifford, Editor

9/21/08 9:32pm

Hi Melanie,

Thanks for writing -- good to hear from you. Despite your discomfort, you have such a great sense of humor and big-picture positive attitude -- hang in there! Because you're about to board the chemo train, here's some info I thought might be helpful to you:

Chemotherapy 101: Preparing, Managing, and Surviving

http://www.healthcentral.com/breast-cancer/coping-with-chemotherapy.html

Be sure to keep us posted on how it goes.

Best,

Maria

koponen

9/23/08 1:41am

Hi Melanie,

Okay...you sound a bit like me...I believed in quantity so I went to wigs.com and got different wigs for different moods! You've got to have some fun!!

Also, I was able to get away with everything and I took advantage of it "Cough, cough, John, can we watch the food channel instead of football? I have cancer. cough. cough" "Joel, could you please do the dishes? I have cancer..cough, cough." "Kathy, would you make me some more of those cookies? I have cancer...cough, cough"

Now I use "chemo brain". The possibilities are endless!!!

There are many many good things that can come out of this if you choose to see them. Sounds like you will be one of those who will get through this with flying colors. Keep us posted. and take care.

koponen

Melanie

9/25/08 12:41am

Oh I do believe we are cut from the same cloth. This may be the only time the sympathy card will work for long...cough cough! In my appointment today, a.k.a. Chemo 101, hubby asked how much longer before I can drive. Hmmm... I guess my chauffeur is getting ready to cut me loose! He still carried my purse for me so I guess he still loves me!

I'm still in denial about needing a wig, but I guess I better think about it soon. I found an old curly wig from college days (back in the 70s!) in the bottom of a box a few weeks ago. Scary! To think I actually wore that thing and thought looking like Harpo Marx was cool! I've matured... now I think Dolly Parton hair is cool! Lol!

Get well soon... but not before you get the honey-do list fulfilled - Melanie

steakprincess

9/29/08 3:41pm

You are funny. I love the way you found a way to make it work to your advantage. You Go Girl!!

Stepaheda

9/24/08 7:12pm

Hi Ms. Melanie,

So happy to hear that all went well with your surgery. And beleive me from here on out things do get much better every day. I also had a double mastectomy on 7/16/08 with reconstruction right after surgery with explander put in. What I had was ducal carsioma in situ in the right breast, but because of other problems I decided to remove both breast with the removal of only 1 node. By doing it this was the doctors were able to remove all cancer from the breast area, with no signs of any additional cancer. So my treatment plan at this time is finishing the breast reconstruction and trying to gain my strenght and health back to as close to normal as I can. So beleive me things do get better with time, exercise is the key to getting better. Even if it is just a little movement, book that has helped me a lot is" The Breast Cancer Survivor's Fittness Plan" by Dr. Carolyn Kaelin,,from the harvard medical school. I'm sure your doctor has see this book. Moving is hard at first, but right at the hospital my doctor said I want you to walk a little every day. At the time I thought he was crazy, but now I am up to 4.5 miles per day and counting. Keep positive thoughts at all times, you have no engery to give to anything that will get you down. Use this time to keep take care of you!!!

Stepaheda

Melanie

9/25/08 1:11am

I'm glad you're doing so well after surgery. That is encouraging to hear. Today it's 3 weeks out from surgery and I feel like I'm finally rounding the bend. I've been able to take less pain medication so it should get better from here on out. It still hurts when the car hits bumps in the road so I'm not ready to get out and jog yet! I'm a gardener and weeds are my nemesis. If I don't keep them in check they grow out of control overnight. They are a very challenging exercise program which never quits! I hope chemo won't make me so tired that they take over. I may need to get a goat!

steakprincess

9/28/08 6:30pm

I was diagnosed the first time in 2005 and treated with radiation and a lumpectomy. I did the "new" Oncotype Dx test in 2005 and it said I had a 10% chance of it coming back in 10 years.

I was re diagnosed in the same breast July 2008 and this time did a bilateral mastectomy. No radiation this time but when I asked the oncologist about the Oncotype, she said "Danielle, even if the test comes back 0% chance that it will come back in YOUR LIFETIME, I would still recommend the chemo". I said yes. And also I will have to take Tamoxifen which I was told to take the first time, but didn't.

You have to trust your instincts and your doctor.

I'm sorry about your pain. I feel really blessed. I didn't have that much pain. I only took pain meds for a couple of days. My chest is sore at night after a long day and numb but I'm wearing t shirts and it really doesn't hurt all that much. And I'm in the process of reconstruction which started at the time of the mastectomy. So not only am I healing, but my expanders are expanding my skin getting me ready for permanent implants in a few months when all goes well.

I have to honestly say. Having the double mastectomy wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Having a C section was worse.

Chemo? bring it on. I bought a wig.

I am grateful to God.

Danielle

Melanie

9/28/08 10:22pm

Hi Danielle,

Nice to hear from someone who had the same surgery the same day. I'm really sorry yours was due to recurrence. You confirmed for me that I made the right decision to have a bilateral mastectomy rather than opt for a lumectomy. I didn't know what I would do until I met with the surgeon. She was trying hard not to tell me what to do, but her body language told me this was the best solution in light of my family history. Now the oncologist is doing the same thing... choices choices choices - agh!!! Wish there was a crystal ball rather than pages of statistcs. My oncologist had breast cancer herself so if it were her, she leans toward chemo because she's been there. But she's waffling in my case because the benefit of chemo added to an aromatase inhibitor calculates to 2-3%. I will definitely be on an aromatase inhibitor which gives an 8% benefit but chemo too? Pick my poison!

Melanie

9/28/08 10:22pm

Hi Danielle,

Melanie

9/28/08 10:22pm

Hi Danielle,

Melanie

9/28/08 10:22pm

Hi Danielle,

Melanie

9/28/08 10:22pm

Hi Danielle,

steakprincess

9/29/08 3:37pm

Melanie:

The doctors are NEVER going to tell you what to do, they will always just suggest it. I've been through this twice so I am so informed on my situation and that is all I can refer to. I can't tell anyone what to do either because I am different than you, than the next person and so on.

The first time I was diagnosed an oncologist (a 2nd opinion doctor) told me if it were her, she would have a mastectomy, remove my ovaries, radiation and chemo. I was stunned. I thought she was crazy. She may have been right on target. But I went with my instincts and whatever happened happened. I don't regret one thing, to be honest.

As far as statistics go and Oncotype tests and studies and whatever else you can read or ask your doctor about, it's all just trial and error. The researchers have no idea what to expect. It's like forecasting the weather. They say sun and it rains. They say it won't come back and it does. They say you're not at risk cause it doesn't run in your family and you get it anyway. Like I said previously, my Oncotype came back with a score of 16. Which meant 10% chance of recurrence in 10 years. Ha! Were they ever wrong. MY statistics showed it came back 100% in 3 years. Don't beat yourself up over the statistics. They may not apply to you at all.

In my opinion, you made the right decision because it was YOUR decision. You were informed and you made an informed and personal and rational decision. Don't regret it. It may have saved your life. You always have to do what's in your heart and trust and believe it will be ok. After all, you hired your doctors and you should turn to them for information and suggestions and opinions. If you don't like what they are saying, then get another opinion. But in the end, we personally make the choice that's right for us.

I am sure you did what was right for you.

I know you will be healthy and well.

Danielle

inda53

11/14/08 12:09am

You know, if i have a terminal diagnosis, I feel I should be able to get high, you can still have a quality end of life. and this is from a person who's never been an addict.

Okay...so the post surgery high has worn off!

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