I thought the same thing. How am I going to get through this? How will I survive it? Will I be scarred? Will I still be able to do things I love? How will this effect my loved one? How will this permanently change me?

How will I survive chemotherapy? It is so scary. How could I possibly decide on a doctor, a treatment plan....what does this pathology report actually mean for my life?

How will I do this?

You know what? You do it because you have to, and because there is no other choice but to crawl into a hole and cry...and even if you do that for a few hours...days...weeks...you  eventually have to come out and face the music. Like my good friend and cancer survivor Ms. Huber said to me, "Put your big girl pants on and keep moving forward!"

I admit to some days being overwhelmed by despair and pity for myself...and then embarrassed by my sorrow. But I am a strong believer in feeling the truth of the "now". And even the horrible days served an emotional purpose. There is nothing I can say to the survival of it all except that somehow and from somewhere the power and will to do it comes. And no, to me, it is not God. As a Buddhist and Deist, it has to be something tangible and part of this earth...a part of me, my mind...and the people that I share with, and their energy.

People become amazing beacons of light if you let them. And people are willing to help if you ask. I have made amazing friends, some from around the world that I may never meet. Somehow, through this laptop, they gave me POWER.

Everyone is rooting for you and in the end, no one can believe you just did what you did...you are doing it. You are beating it. You are making it. And you are living.

I'm here now. And I am so very grateful.