Today is a very tired day. My body will not do what I ask it to. It won't walk, or stand, or make the bed. It is so tired, my head feels heavy on my neck.
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Radiation is a daily event, and cumulative, like chemo. I am still having chemo side effects too. That is a big surprise to me. The flavor of chemicals is still on my tastebuds, and the fatigue is still coursing through my muscles.
The docs at rads today said this is normal. I am having new radiation side effects, and still having chemo side effects too. So, in a way, I feel just as bad as after chemo #2...tired, sore, sleepy, weak.
The only thing that is better is my appetite, but it is exhausting to chew food. I feel that it is getting worse as the radiation stacks on. My radiated skin is a darker color, and feels sunburned. Any clothing that touches it makes it chaffed. I don't feel good. And it makes me so disappointed because I was doing so much better.
I know what the doc said is right: Take it easy, slow down...you are still in therapy-not in recovery yet....I was just so excited about getting chemo done that I really thought I was out of the woods...but not yet.
So tired. I just want to sleep and try to stay still so the pain of my skin doesn't get into my head. The doc also says there are cognitive issues...like, now, as you get closer to the "end" of treatment, you start wondering what that means for your life...and I am having flashbacks about what I have done since September.
I have shared with you my blog, and these notes and all the things we have gone through as they were happening...but I have not really thought about or processed the WHOLE thing myself. I just started getting to the point where I can "think back" on it, and reflect about it. Re-reading my blog helps me remember how far we have come.
I guess now is a time for really thinking things through, resting and trying to get through radiation. It is harder than I thought it would be. It isn't at all like chemo, it seems stacked on to the back of it---not any easier.
--Peglove
PJH
Peg, I found chemo easier than radiation, but I've heard other people say that radiation was harder for them than chemo. This is one of those things that really does vary so much from person to person that it's impossible to predict how an individual will do. Because of that doctors don't usually like to emphasize possible problems when so many people have minimal side effects.
The problem I did notice with radiation is that it is cumulative. It seems easy at first, then the fatigue sets in and the burns. I had more radiation than most people because of the type of breast cancer I had. They had to schedule me for a "double session" to zap all the places the doctor wanted radiated. Be sure to talk with the nurse at the radiation center about the best ointments for your skin. There are some really good dressings and prescription meds that will help. The very worst thing about radiation for me was that it kept working for about two weeks after my last treatment, so when I was emotionally ready to jump up and down celebrating the end of treatment, my energy level was still going down.
Hang in there; you are nearing the end of this arduous year. Get lots of rest this summer and you should be good to go back to the classroom on schedule in the fall.
Oh Phyllis!
Thank you for warning me about the deflated celebration....right now I am on meds again, and trying to sleep as much as possible. The rad really gets in there. I only have 4 more to go!! And I want to have a big party, or go on a reverse-road trip cancer-free....but I am a type of tired I simply can't fight. I am feeling like my whole skeleton is made from lazy bones!
And I have a super awesome friend that gave me some Jeans Cream, and it is pretty awesome! And a great gift.
Hanging in for 4 more sessions......here I go. Tuesday is the last day of "active treatment" for me!
Can you believe just 4 MORE DAYS?! Wow. I went out to dinner on the last day - It was Valentine's Day, and our anniversary of getting engaged 26 years before. Yourbones may be tired, but CELEBRATE; you'll always remember this day. Take care- PJH