But, I am still young...

I fought to have a mammogram done. I am 34 yrs old and I have wanted to get a mommo for about two years. I guess I was just worried and nervous. My cousin had a very fast growing cancer when she was 35, and had a double mastectomy at 38. I would tell doctors this...and the would say, "but you are still young. There is no reason for you to have a mammo." and the would say, " you have some bunmps here and there, but that is normal for a young woman. Fibrocystic breasts are normal." Yesterday I had a biopsy on my left breast. I found this bump when I was watching TV, reaching for the remote, sidways on the couch. My right hand sort of fell over my left breast and there it was...a knob. A hard puddy like mass. It is not so small. It is big to me. They told me today that I have breast cancer. I survived foster care as a teenager, and teaching at an inner city school, and my mom died last year...and now this. I just feel like I am doomed. Am I doomed? I have an amazing husband. We have been to El Salvador, Brasil, Costa Rica, and Hawaii together. We still have so many years to give to each other. I don't want to be sick for any of those years. I won't wear a damn pink ribbon. I am really pissed off about this. I want to live. I don't drink or smoke or do drugs. I don't sleep around, or drink excessively. I am a good person, I donate to the LA Mission on Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter. I am a volunteer, I guide teens in English 10....I just don't deserve this. Did I give myself cancer? By going to the beach? Standing in front of the microwave? Going to the tanning salon? Eating too much tuna? Being a streesful and intense person? But, I am still young. Tell me I will be okay. My Mom isn't even here to hold me. What the fuck.