Ready for Lumpectomy: Finding peace after fear and the unknown

It has been a little over a month since I heard the words, "you have breast cancer", and I am now scheduled for a lumpectomy on Oct. 23.2009. At times, this month dragged its feet and every minute seemed like days. Other times, the month felt like it was the same day playing itself in my head over and over again. But yesterday was different. I got the results of my genetic BRAC 1 and 2 tests back and I am negative for the mutation. This is great news, as it would have meant a bilateral mastectomy to better my chances for a long life. Now I have had a lung x-ray, bloodwork and am ready for my surgery. I have been told that the lumpectomy is the easiest part. The will extract a couple of lymph nodes during surgery and this may cause some swelling and pain in my arm, but that I will be better within a week. Once my wounds heal (within a month), I will begin my round of radiation. 6 weeks, Monday through Friday. The lymph nodes and tumor will be tested or "graded" to see how the cancer cells act (aggressive or not) and if they find cancer in the nodes, then I will have to do some chemotherapy, just to be sure it didn't get out and travel around and have a party in my bones, or my back, or my pinky toe....wherever it decides to go...the chemo will get it. I am feeling positive about my outcome and I am feeling grateful for my early diagnosis and my new cancer docs. I am still pretty upset about my general doc telling me my bump was "nothing" in February. Here it is, September, and it was breast cancer...now in October I am preparing for a surgery on the same bump that was "nothing." I have told all my family and friends and have even joined the pink ribbon brigade; The Young Survivors Coalition of San Diego (but I live in LA). I anticipate to be healed by the end of Novemeber and start the Radiation in Decemeber and be done with it by Mid-January. This is all hoping the nodes are cancer free. This is the next thing to think about. If they have cancer...then I will have to get chemo, and I don't know how long that will take, what kind I will get, how long I will be sick for, and when I will be able to say,"I am better." But I am still grateful for this moment. Knowing that I do not have the BRAC gene gives me a sense of peace, and hope that I have a better chance of being cancer free. Nothing is for certain, as I have learned, reading all of your stories, and reading studies and statistical evidence in medical journals. We can wrap ourselves in a cloak of desperation and fear, or we can try to think about the positive parts of all this. I wrote my family and told them, "this is all really good news!" And although it doesn't seem like it ever could be...it is.