Lumpectomy Aborted Yesterday: New discovery while on gurney.

The Morning Began:

I was all revved up. I called friends and I let you all know on my blog. I cleaned my house and arranged my pillows and medicines by my bed. I worked out hard. I hung art and cleaned out the garage. All in anticipation of this lumpectomy.

I bought a cute jumpsuit in bright orange and wore it to my surgery. I was so ready.

It was 8am and i was injected with the "localization" (liquid radiation isotope) that would light up my sentinel nodes so my doc could get them out and send them to the path lab along with this stupid tumor.

At 10am, my surgery was to start. It was 10:30, then 11am. I was sitting with the IV drip, my arm and nipple burning from the localization injection, and they had a bag of antibiotics waiting on my IV.

At 11:30am, my surgeon came out and she said, "the radiology oncologist called and saw another lump in one of your films...we're gonna need a biopsy for it."  They sent me home--with one arm freezing from the IV and the other arm burning from the injection.

So my surgery was aborted...because I may need a mastectomy after all. This new lump is really tiny. But they are concerend because it is on the sternum side of my breast. If you put a map of the U.S. on my boob, the first lump (1.7 cm) is in California...this one is in North Carolina, and really close to my chest plate.

SO they have to get it out with a vertical booby squishy machine and punch it out while I am laying inside it with my boob pinned in it (i know, very technical language, here).

If it is positive for cancer they want to do the mastectomy. They say because it won't have a "good cosmetic result" if I have two lumpectomies. My boob will look like a column of flesh. But a part of me does not even care about the look. I want to keep my nipple!!!!

The other complication....well, this all means that this breast is just not healthy. And the possibility of a future disaster is endless. We could grow a new tumor...it could decide to live in my lung, or my heart or my spine....as you know already, you plan one thing, and cancer plans another.

So I am now bracing myself for a new surgery...and possibly a new breast, I guess. 

We were so heartbroken yesterday. Dylan called his parents, they came over and it helped a lot. We want to just "suck it up" but it isn't so easy. We waited and preparred for this day for weeks (mentally, physically).

I worked really hard at keeping my hope alive and I came to a peaceful place knowing what was ahead for me. 

You know, I am a very anal person. I like organization and process. I like making plans for the next 3 to 5 years. I have lived this way for quite some time. I am not so rigid that I dont adjust during the plan...but this is a wrench in the great big plan.

Never in my life did I think I would have to make cancer a part of my life in my 30's. So this is more than a "flexibility" issue. This is a "new plan necessary" issue.