Wednesday, September 12, 2007
This is what I face whenever I need to sit and wait for my turn to see the doctor: the universal chart used to determine a patient's level of pain. Faces that have all, at one time or another, mirrored my own, in the course of life and my cancer experience. I have used the chart to assess not only my symptoms of late, but also my emotional, psychological, and even spiritual state.
For instance, am I At Peace? Concerned? Anxious? Scared to Death?
Am I in No Pain? Ignoring Pain? Enduring Pain? Mother Theresa?
It's important to really know, because it's amazing how we can deny our real feelings in our effort to put on a strong front, a brave face.
I cannot count the number of times I've talked to fellow patients who confess every pain and darkest thoughts to me, but put on their happy face for the doctors, their closest relatives and friends. Earnest to be the perfect patient. The strong wife. The still cheerful and bubbly friend who sailed through high school and so will breeze through cancer. Stage IV, with mets.
How many times, indeed, have I myself suffered in silence, when my own face said in specific and expressive detail: Acute, stabbing pain in the heart. Knot in the stomach. Paralzing fear. Panic Attack!
I wish I had this chart to help express myself then.
I understand the need to try and stay positive. But I also hope the urge to keep appearances would not deprive us of the help and support that is out there, whether it is in the form of a drug or a curative hug, it is there for those brave enough to put the mask down and ask.
Hello, Jean. Great to hear from you again.
Your thoughts on "putting the mask down" and allowing ourselves to need and ask for help and support is right on. There's a place for hope and faith in positive outcomes -- and then there's reality and just being human. Thank you for reminding us of this.
Keep writing. I can tell you have much inner knowledge and rare perspective to share.
Best,
Maria