My biggest complaint at having been through the cancer ringer is the fat. I gained 19 lbs on chemo. It sucks, but what can you do when the only thing that doesn't make you want to projectile vomit all over is potatoes? Nothing... there is nothing you can do. The steroids given with the meds make you want to eat a barn... and all of the livestock in it. You feel to shitty to work out and too angry (courtesy of steroids) to take the suggestions of anyone trying to help you.

So, now that the fun is all over and I am cleared and ready for take off (health-wise) I've been going nutso with the workouts. I must delete these muffin tops before I go totally mental. I have been busting my buns for about 3 weeks now. I do no less than 30 minutes on the elliptical on a daily basis, but usually I put in 40 mins to an hour of cardio. I have also completely changed my diet. I get about 1200 calories a day and I track everything I eat. I also joined a Pilates class to tone muscle and try and get some flexibility back into my body. I really love Pilates. I am surprised because I am the kind of person that HATES to exercise. I hate it more than a biopsy. I have pretty much gone my entire life without working out and somehow maintained a relatively lithe profile. So the fact that I enjoy going to Pilates is no less than a miracle. I am trying to shape up drastically for one of my best friends weddings in Cancun in May.

Chemo has turned me into some sort of lumpy potato woman so it was time to act. So, I have done Pilates 4 times a week for 2 and a half weeks now. I do cardio every day. I have lost.... (drum roll-) 1 pound (crickets). WTF?!???! How the hell is that even possible?! I am seriously dreading that my body seems to have staged a coup and is refusing to get into shape by my May 21st deadline. NOoooooooo. I can't be one boobed AND fat. The universe is conspiring against me and I will not have it I tell you!

So anyway. My hair is growing out. It looked at first like it was going to be straight but no luck... its curly and full of evil. I have no idea what to do with it. It's like a mousy brown poof ball atop my noggin. As of last week I decided to go sans wig. I was getting sick of wearing them and there is nothing quite so nice as to have your own hair back after almost a year of having none. The Pilates class in Pasadena is full of immaculately groomed yuppie house wives with too much money and too big of cars. I think they flaunt their preternatural perky boobs and bouffant hair just to remind me that I'm different.

I have had 6 of these freaky stepford exercisers come up to me and say things like.... "Oh, your hair is so cute, I could never do that". "oh wow, you're so brave!" or "I just don't have the bone structure for short hair like that... looks good on you though", "oh my god, were you scared? Did your stylist mess up?" Really, I don't know what to say. Should I smile and laugh awkwardly? Run away sobbing? Tell them my hair stylist is a UCLA oncologist? What?  I don't mind talking about having had cancer... it doesn't bum me out. I feel like I talk about it ALLLLL the time. I don't want my cancer battle to define me. I'd like that chapter in my life to shut like a bad book. I should expect people to comment on my "do", but when people say something I am always a little annoyed. Especially since it's usually prefaced by "you're so brave". Seriously.... no one would want my cancer fro if they could help it.