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Racuh Living With It Diagnosed with angiosarcoma of the left breast in Jan 2009. Im young, smart, crafty, a legitimate artist/designer, I have cancer... Send Message Subscribe: Racuh

Thursday, September 24, 2009
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Oh chemotherapy... you foul bastard. How I hate thee. So, I had my third chemotherapy infusion this past tuesday... I am getting taxol. But unlike you poor women that have suffered through it I am getting a small dose weekly instead of a big one. No neuropathy yet... and mostly unevent...

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PJ Hamel
Thursday, September 24, 2009 at 04:26 AM

Cancer treatment is indeed barbaric. Slash. Poison. Burn. Someday society will look back at this like we now look at blood-letting with leeches. I'm just sorry we're not looking back at it yet. I know this can't possibly make you feel better, but you WILL get through this. Because there's no other choice; you (body and soul) just simply figure out a way, and do it. Wish I could offer something more tangible... PJH

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Racuh
Thursday, September 24, 2009 at 12:07 PM

I equate it to using mercury and arsenic when people had syphilis. Sure, it treated the syphilis... enough to continue using it. It also left people very sick, very infertile and very damaged. I have no love for oncology. The slash poison and burn method doesn't work WITH your body... it works against it. I think this is the most frustrating mind boggling part for me. To have those options. I cannot even tell you how much time research and money went into alternative health care treatments for me.... and diet. The conclusion was... no medical testing has been done for what alternative care has to offer... therefore your oncologists tell you that only THEIR way is the right way. I have tried to combine the two by being as healthy as possible (using what I've learned from naturalists) and letting the doctors do what they think they must. It just feels so inherently wrong to let them damage me so irrevocably. I have such a hard time with it.

Sounds like you're hanging in there!
Peglove
Thursday, September 24, 2009 at 11:42 AM
Foul Language is necessary here. Will you be able to relax a bit from work to get some rest in? That may help...I will be getting some low dose chemo too, i think....I don't really know much at this point, but I do know that when I read some stuff online it really gave me nightmares! YOU ARE AWESOME! and you will get through it, with all you've got! And get by with a little help from your friends. I am now to wait two weeks to start treatment pending the genetic tests. So they are giving me my freak-attacks in small doses too. But remember how incredibly awesome you are and talented, and that the power of your mind is on your side, and you are young and strong, thought you may not feel it some days. Be angry, Racuh! Chemo sucks balls! Put on your stillettos, and stomp out of this mess* HUGS*** Peglove

re: Sounds like you're hanging in there!
Racuh
Thursday, September 24, 2009 at 12:11 PM

We'll handle it because we're women. There is nothing that comes up that woman just can't deal with. I swear we are the most versatile "get this done" species in existence. It doesn't mean we aren't freaked out or angry. But we usually persevere despite some pretty shitty odds and even if we don't... we do that gracefully too.

I hate losing my hair. It sucks. Good thing my eyelashes and eyebrows are taken care of... BOTH of my two older sisters are makeup artists with their own companies. Eyebrows and eyelashes galore for me. I'll look good no matter what!

Stilettos and lipstick applied. Thanks for the cheer-up notes. COFFEE? When? Where?

Support from another LA woman
Beach Babe
Thursday, September 24, 2009 at 05:30 PM

I read your post and my heart goes out to you. I just had my first chemo 2 weeks ago and the next one is next week; I'm lucky in that I only have 4 treatments total, every 3 weeks. I did not get nauseous, had little bone ache, but did feel very tired/fatigued for days 4-6. The kicker is that today is exactly 2 weeks from the first infusion and when I took a shower...well, I have never had so much hair fall out even after being pregnant. So...forecast of hair fallout was right on. Damn.

You WILL get through this and your survival, to me, is not even something to doubt. You are too damn angry, but most important, realistic and strong. I have a friend who had stage iv colon cancer and odds were bad, but guess what? His last scan was clean. He survived the first surgery. Recovered though knowing he had a ton of positive lymph nodes. Continued on when it turned out a few cancer specs had made it to his liver. His outlook is positive, he has changed his diet, but didn't go crazy as in only organic, limit meats, become a vegetarian...etc. And btw, he is twice your age.

Finally, I'm sure you've tried everything with the weight gain; it's the steroids. So, keep heart that the weight will come off. In the meantime, get some exercise in if you have the energy. I was put on a 90% protein diet and boy does that suck, but I haven't gained weight. Even lost some weight after chemo because I had no appetite (came back with a vengeance).

So, F/U chemo, but it is killing the cancer cells. You cannot worry about the specs; you take one day at a time.

Bras and taxol
Connie Keen
Friday, September 25, 2009 at 11:04 AM

You may want to take one of your bras and have someone who sews make a pocket in your bra for your proteshis. I also had weekly taxol. I was slated for 12 but my Oncologist stopped it at nine so to avoid from my toes getting past stage two. I had all my chemo up front. Good luck on the bra situation. I just got my breast rconstructed by Dr Rober Allen and I will be back to wearing sexy bras soon.

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summer
Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 11:20 AM

Well you sound exactly like I imagine I will feel once I begin chemo soon. My mind set is fine.... but I am very logical and sugar coating any of this stuff which I have had plenty of time to research doesn't give me a better feeling. You pretty much summed up how I see it all and I'm sorry, but thats that. I am a very happy, normal, postive person..... but again, I am also very real.

Hi Trace!
Peglove
Saturday, October 03, 2009 at 08:34 PM

In the Bay, thining about you and hoping you're feeling stronger and more fabulous every day. It is so pretty here, like real fall...so pretty.

See you soon I hope!

Peg.

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SusanW
Sunday, October 04, 2009 at 02:51 PM

You will make it through! Keep on going and the hair will grow back. I'm heading this way too, bad prognosis, and I already have no appetite and my hair looks like a broombottom already...whatever is what I say...It's OK to be angry, just tell those who are offensive to kiss up someone else's tree, they are toxic losers and not worth having around anyhow.

Susan...