Daughter's childhood memory of Mom's battles with breast cancer

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Wednesday, July 08, 2009
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My mother was first diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 10 years old (she was 40). I didn't know she had cancer at the time, because my parents decided to tell me and my younger brother that mom was just "sick", and would need to be in the hospital. I remember visiting her ...

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Great parents
PJ Hamel
Wednesday, July 08, 2009 at 07:41 PM

Amy, what a wonderful thing your parents did - dealing with your mom's cancer, while also allowing you and your brother to retain the innocence of your childhood. It must have been tempting at times to break down (especially if you were acting up), and tell you to lay off, Mom is VERY sick; yet they kept things normal for you.

I love how you say you didn't even have to ask your mom how she felt - about losing her breast, looking at her body. You just knew. that's the sign of a wonderful relationship.

Thanks for sharing your story. I look forward to the next chapter! PJH

re: Great parents
AmyB
Tuesday, July 21, 2009 at 10:54 AM

PJ, You're right, and it took my becoming an adult to fully realize what they did for me. They were also very fortunate to have other friends and support around them to help out with caring for their young children, to allow us to be somewhat sheltered from what Mom was going through. The wonderful thing was when I was able to form an adult real friendship with my mom and talk to her about some of these things, it was truly beautiful.

Thank you
Phyllis Johnson
Thursday, July 09, 2009 at 09:06 AM

This is so helpful to hear about the cancer experience from the child's point of view (mixed in with your adult interpretations). One of the hardest things about being a parent with cancer is worrying about how it is affecting your child. Your writing is a great reminder of the resilience of children.

re: Thank you
AmyB
Tuesday, July 21, 2009 at 10:56 AM

Thanks Phyllis for your support! I am glad that my story is beneficial for you and others. My mother was an amazing woman and I just wish I could do even more to share her strength and hope with everyone.

Telling your children
Michigoose
Thursday, July 16, 2009 at 09:29 AM

I was very interested in your post. My daughter was 15 months and then 4 1/2 when I was diagnosed and underwent treatment. I couldn't hide it from my daughter as I did do chemo and the whole run.

She's 16 and I still wonder....but of course I won't be able to find out what she really thought until she's a little older when her mom is "cool" enough to talk to. ;)

Lisa Quintana

http://michigoose-longtermbcsurvivor.blogspot.com

re: Telling your children
AmyB
Tuesday, July 21, 2009 at 10:59 AM

Hi Lisa,

Thanks for your comment! So do you mind if I ask how you did handle things with your daughter? She was so young, I'm curious when and how you did communicate it to her and how she was able to comprehend about what you were going through. I think what my mom was able to do for us at least was find that right balance of being honest with us, but not sharing more than we needed to or could handle given our ages. It's a difficult position, and I'm sure every situation is different. I look forward to hearing more from you and thanks again!

re: re: Telling your children
Lisa Quintana aka Michigoose
Tuesday, July 21, 2009 at 11:28 AM

When she was little, I didn't talk to her, just said "mommy was sick" which she was very aware of, as she would often come into the bathroom with me and be with me as I vomited. The funniest thing was when I shaved my head when my hair was falling out. A friend came over for dinner, and we put my daughter to bed. Then afterwards, we shaved my head.

The next morning when I went to get her out of her crib, she looked a me and then patted her own head...I'm still not sure if she was just checking to make sure she had hair or if she was just communicating her surprise....She was verbal and had been since 9 months, but this was a little too advanced.

The second time, I just told her that I was very sick and that I had cancer, but that didn't mean I was going to die. She had gone to a lot of doctor's appointments with the first go-around and so had been living with it for a while. I am a very straight forward person and believe(d) that I could best tell her without scaring her. If mommy told her what was going to happen and wasn't upset or seemed overly concerned, then she wouldn't be.

I did tell her that I was going to be sick for a while and that things were going to be different, and that sometimes I wouldn't be able to do things with her. I did cut her back from 5 days in nursery school, to two as I was leary about being exposed to too many germs....

Telling or not telling your children is personal, and how you come to the decision is your own story. I have talked about it on my blog:

http://michigoose-longtermbcsurvivor.blogspot.com/

Lisa

Touching Story
Kathy09
Tuesday, July 21, 2009 at 09:58 AM

I can't wait to read the rest. I too have bc diagnosed in Jan. 09. Since then I have had chemo, and three lumpectomys. I have not told my daughter nor my family. I just don't like gossip and want people to feel sorry for me. I just wonder what you think, you seem ok not knowing what was going on. Although my daughter is quite a bit older (23). I hate to have her worry or add unneeded stress to her life. Yes, I do have a wig they just thought I got a new hair style. email me if you get a chance, very curious to your thoughts on this, or anyone who would like to express a thought on this.