It's Metastatic

Sometime in 1999, my brother and I went to my parent's house for dinner.  At this point, my brother was actually living in Los Angeles, but must have been home on a vacation.   I don't remember exactly what my parents said before dinner, but I know they did give us notice that they had some news to share.  So we talked, had dinner, and finally, Mom started telling us her news.  She'd had some pain in her leg and had seen her regular doctor, who sent her for x-rays.  The person who did Mom's x-rays had told her that he couldn't diagnose her, but that she should see her oncologist as soon as possible (after 10 years of being "cancer-free," patients apparently only see their oncologist once a year for routine blood work).  And, sure enough, she got the news - her cancer was back and had metastasized in her bones.  WOW! 

I had no idea what metastasis was, so Mom explained as best she could.  She also gave us the news that her doctor gave her 3-5 years to live.  When I got that news, I remember crying, I remember my brother and my dad crying, but somehow I do not remember my mom crying.  Mom never cried when it came to talking about her cancer, I think she just knew even then that she had to maintain her strength for the sake of the rest of the family - the only way we'd all get through it was by her hiding any of her own fears or pain.  There was a lot of hugging, lot of tears, and pure shock.  I remember calling my best friend on my way home who was my roommate at the time, and making sure she was home, and although somehow I'd kept it together on my drive - the second I walked in the door I collapsed into her arms just inside the doorway and just wept harder than I ever had in my life to that point.  It is one thing to know that our parents eventually will pass on before we do, but it's quite another to have someone specifically say "you have 3-5 years left to spend with your mother".    It brings a whole new perspective to decisions most young adults can make a little more freely, like where do I want to live as an adult.  I just couldn't comprehend the thought of moving away from my mom after I heard this news.

For a bit of good news, Mom's battle with metastasized cancer actually lasted much longer than initially predicted - she gave it a good long 10 years!!!  Initially, she continued working as a middle school vice principal, even after she was forced to walk with a cane.  In 2002 she retired after realizing she couldn't perform the job to her expectations anymore due to the physical toll it took on her body (plus we were worried she could get injured in one of the school fights, which unfortunately there were many of at the time).  Over the 10 years, Mom went through several different rounds and treatments of chemo, at least 3 rounds of hair loss and hair re-growth (each time growing in slightly different - she thought that was kind of neat actually).  She had the best doctor anyone could ever ask for, who always kept her on the latest and greatest treatments.  He called Mom his "miracle patient" and frequently referenced her when he gave lectures or spoke to other patients and colleagues.