My Mother's Final Journey

Some of you are aware i have written previous Shareposts in the HealthCentral community on the journey my mother experienced during her battle with breast cancer.  Below is my latest posting that summarizes my mother's final days and weeks with us.  This is all part of my effort to share my experience as the daughter of an incredibly strong woman who battled breast cancer for 25 long years.

January 2009 - the entire family got together on a Sunday afternoon to go to a movie and dinner near my house.   We got used to dropping Mom off near the front of any establishment we went to, so that she didn't have to walk far.  Dad dropped her off and I walked her inside to the theatre while he parked.  It was extremely noticeable to me that Mom was moving significantly slower than she ever had before.  So, for the first time in a while, something didn't seem right to me - and I started to worry.  She also didn't talk as much as she normally does.  A few weeks later came Mom's 65^th birthday.  When my parents called me that week, and we talked about when we'd get together to celebrate, I remember my dad specifically asking the question as "When can we get together and talk this weekend?"  I remember being at work - and I remember knowing then that he had bad news for me, and I remember wanting so desperately to just hear it then.  He tried to deny that there was anything he really needed to talk about, but I knew that wasn't true.  I even remember selfishly thinking how upset I was that Dad would call me at work to tell me that, as it was just before we had a company-wide meeting and I was supposed to say a few words in front of everyone.  I felt awful and selfish for having any negative thoughts about my dad calling me at work.

So, the family met up on Sunday.  My brother and I just asked to cut to the chase once we got there.  And, then the news came.....the doctor had told Mom that after 10 long years of being able to beat, or at least tie, with the cancer, it was finally winning the battle.  Things had gotten much worse.  There was one lesion at the base of her brain stem/top of her spine that they were particularly concerned about, because if it caused the bone there to break it would stop her from breathing instantly.  There was discussion of surgery, but that would be very risky, and still wouldn't stop the progression of the cancer in other areas of her body.  At any rate, I remember crying, sobbing, hugging, but I just remember Mom being at peace with it, like she always seemed to be.  Mom didn't focus on the gloom of the cancer, she instead focused on the 10 additional years she'd been given to spend with her family, and enjoying the time she had remaining as best she could, and knowing this was her destiny.  She never ever cried, at least in front of us, even when we were a mess - I still can't understand how she did it.  We didn't get a timeframe here on how long we had left with Mom, I just remember thinking we'd have at least most of 2009.  We even continued talking about what we'd do for our annual family vacation in May - we'd discussed a European cruise before, but Mom and Dad didn't think that was a good idea given the recent developments.   I just remember thinking now that I have this news, I'm really going to make sure I come see Mom as often as I can.  Sometimes having this kind of timeframe regarding a loved one can be a good thing in that respect.