So, you’ve got breast cancer. The line has been drawn in the sand: life before breast cancer. Life after breast cancer. And you’re just beginning to realize that not only do you now have a life-threatening illness, you still have to deal with all the challenges in your life – big and small – that were stressing you out BEFORE breast cancer.

Life marches on. Family, friends, job… they’re all still there. Demanding your attention. Attention you seem unable to focus on, given that big gorilla sitting in the corner.

What’s a survivor to do?

Accept help. It feels like everyone you’ve ever known is suddenly phoning and asking what they can do to help, right? The ladies from church. Your colleagues at work. Your Friday-afternoon-margarita girlfriends.

And sadly, these offers of help probably feel like just one more daunting task; one more organizational detail in a life that’s suddenly falling to pieces.

Well, don’t just say “No thanks” or “I’m fine” to these offers of help, simply because you can’t think straight. Take a look at the following list of Things People Can Do That’ll REALLY Help.  Add your own tweaks. Print it out. Keep it in the kitchen, by the phone; make another copy for your purse.

And next time someone says, “Now, what can I do to help you?”…

Tell them.

1) Beyond a higher power (if you’re spiritual), the first and most important person to ask for help is yourself.

Give yourself permission to doff the Superwoman cape and be needy for awhile. Shed the Cloak of Perfection. Get out of “I-can-do-it-all” mode… because you can’t.

Trying to keep your life “normal” through cancer treatment by accomplishing all the day-to-day tasks you waded through prior to cancer is both foolish, and dangerous. You need to rest, both physically, and emotionally. You need to de-stress.

How to let go? Learn to say “Yes, please,” and “Thank you.” Four simple words. Not signs of weakness, but of acceptance. An understanding that in order to beat cancer and resume the life you love, you have to lay low for awhile – uncomfortable though that feels.

2) Meals: This is one of the most common things friends will volunteer: bringing food. But if you say yes to everyone who offers to cook dinner, you’ll soon find yourself overwhelmed with American chop suey and chicken casserole, which not only lose their luster quickly, but take up LOTS of freezer space.

The solution? The first person who asks, reply that you’d love them to head up the volunteer meals program. Ask this friend if s/he feels comfortable creating your own personalized “meals on wheels” team. Propose a schedule you feel comfortable with: 5 days a week for a month, twice a week for 4 months, whatever you think will work for your particular treatment. Then hand off the responsibility entirely – no micro-managing!