The main issue with in-vitro fertilization is cost. At $10,000 to $15,000 per attempt (eggs being harvested, fertilized, and stored), it’s expensive. And many insurance companies won’t cover it. So understand the financial implications before you get too far down the road.
Another issue is the legal question of who “owns” the fertilized eggs, and who can decide what to do with them. You and your fiancé might decide on joint custody; but what if he bails on you during treatment, and afterwards says he doesn’t want to be a father? Historically, courts of law have upheld a person’s desire to NOT be a parent, and this would prevent you from using those fertilized eggs.
Just to be safe, you might decide on an anonymous sperm donor. But assuming you and your fiancé do get married, what kind of emotional issues might this cause going forward?
To be safe, you’ll want to consult an attorney who specializes in reproductive law if you decide to pursue IVF.
Q. Wow… I can’t believe I have to consider so many other things while I’m still trying to absorb the fact that I have cancer. I’m feeling really panicky…
A. And that’s exactly why you need to act quickly. Establish who your oncologist will be. Tell him/her pregnancy post-treatment is a goal. If s/he seems uncertain or unwilling to help you plan for a future as a mom, ask for another oncologist immediately, preferably one who’s dealt with younger cancer patients.
Also, and this is a tough one, have a heart-to-heart with your fiancé about this. Tell him cancer treatment may be rough, and having children has just become more challenging than you thought. Establishing, to the best of your ability, that he’s totally committed – to you, and to the issues you may encounter post-cancer – is a huge plus.
At this point, you can’t know exactly what you may need to do to preserve your ability to become a mother. Fear of the unknown is a huge stressor; so exploring all your options, and understanding the implications of each, should make you feel better.
Finally, not being able to bear your own children doesn’t mean you can’t be a mom. Adoption has been a great path for many women whose cancer treatment has caused infertility. So start thinking how you’d feel about parenting an adopted child; after all, a mother’s love comes from the heart, not the ovaries.
For more information, check out the following Web sites:
Fertilehope.org, run by the Lance Armstrong Foundation, offers reproductive information and support to cancer patients whose treatments may impair their ability to become biological parents.
Myoncofertility.org is a patient resource developed and funded by the Oncofertility Consortium, a joint venture of Northwestern University and the National Institutes of Health (NIH).
