My advice to V. would have been far less aggressive. I would have suggested she find a good support group, and talk about death in a setting that doesn’t bring pain to those involved in the discussion. Then I would have suggested she write a detailed death plan–who gets the cat, who does what, who reads the eulogy–and leave it in a sealed envelope with someone close, “to be opened upon my death.”

And, Carolyn– I think it’s easy to talk about bringing pain to those around you when you haven’t been forced to. Just telling your family and friends you have cancer opens a whole world of hurt; wanting to discuss the details of death makes it worse. My advice? When you come home from the hospital, leave death at the door. Unless someone else brings it up, it’s a subject best examined in private–or in a group prepared and willing to address it.

If you have a friend with cancer and WANT to talk about their possible death, how do you do it? Read my SharePost, When Friends Die.