Thank you! I wish I'd had your words when my husband cheated on me as I was recovering from my cancer.
I am disgusted, of course, although my main concern is the possibility that Elizabeth's remission ended AFTER she found out about this sleazy betrayal. I actually bought his act regarding social problems and family values and voted for him in the primary AFTER his withdrawal. Once again, we live and learn. Peace.
That's why the reports of Edwards' affair made me so sad, right to the core. What he did is so wrong and he may never understand the depth of it. I've always cheered for Elizabeth, not just because of her cancer, but I could relate to her in other ways -- we're about the same age and body build and determination. She seems so relatable. When her husband first denied the affair, he said he'd been in love with the same smart, sexy wonderful woman for over 25 years and we all cheered. It's such a disappointment. And, thank you for your concern for me. Yes, things are great. I divorced my husband, partly because of the affair but mostly because also during that time, we were told our 10-month old daughter would soon die of her kidney disease. He said he couldn't watch her die, I chose to watch her live. Although doctors told us she'd be dead before she was one-year old, my beautiful daughter just celebrated her 25th birthday and is happily married and living a full, blessed life. As for me, I have come through three bouts of breast cancer with my health, sanity, dignity and humor intact. I am now married to a wonderful man who is the love of my life.
John Edwards personal life has been made public as we all know. So, it's been said that he was faithful to his wife for 31 years, and that this is his first indiscretion. If that's true, I wonder if perhaps, when his wife became ill with breast cancer, he cheated as a way of escape from the fear of being left alone. This is not to make an excuse for him, however I wonder if perhaps he was just terrifeid of losing Elizabeth, and being a male had no way to express it. He admits to having a big ego. Maybe this was his way of running away from the truth which is he loves his wife and not the mistress. I know, I know.... that's no way to express love, but after being married to someone as devoted and loving as Elizabeth, I don't think this new woman stands a snow ball's chance in hell of keeping him whether or not John's wife survives cancer or not. Apparently, she is his best friend and the love of his life. The mistress is living here in the same town as I which is Santa Barbara. Montecito is part of SB. It would creep me out to come face to face with her. I also note that she became pregnant about the same time that she would have known that John Edwards was to be "Father of the year" in some award ceremony.... makes me wonder if she did this motherhood thing on purpose. She sounds and looks perfectly horrible, but that just me, I guess.
You make some good points, Mary Alice. I hope they're true, that she's the love of his life and he was reacting (badly) to her cancer. In fact, her recurrence happend a year after he confessed his indiscretion to her... I'm sure the stress didn't help her health. It seems no one comes out a winner here - John, Rielle, Elizabeth, Rielle's child, or any of us, because we're all in this together, us humans... I hope this all works out somehow. - PJH
What kind of sicko whore would sleep with another woman's husband? What sad excuse of a man would stoop so low as to sleep with this lowly snake? Elizabeth, you deserve better that this man. If he cheated many times with this hoe, he'll do it again and why should you have to live with this uncertainty?!?!?!?!?!
Of course it was wrong. But I think that the news media ought to respect the privacy of people in the public. It has only been in the last few years that nothing is off limits. Years ago, most of the Presidents had affairs and it wasn't paraded out for all to know. I feel so badly for Elizabeth. She is such a strong woman. But to leave him and be out on her own with all of her problems would be very hard. If she chooses to stay with him, that is her decision. I have lost a lot of respect for John. But as long as she can forgive him, it's none of my business. As far as his career is concerned, I think he has ruined his chances for much in the future.
I agree with you. I wish none of us ever had to know any of this. It's between John and Elizabeth - and Rielle, too. But now that it's out there, I feel like I've been given permission to comment. Not to judge; but to comment. I di believe in not casting the first stone, which is why I won't condemn him for his actions; but I do know what he did makes me sad for Elizabeth, and I'll leave it at that. - PJH
Dear PJ, It isn't from knowing the pain and agony of cancer, that I write to you. My aunt some 50 years ago died of breast cancer after 5 years. I know some of what she went through. I write because you put into words just my own feelings about John and his admission of the affair. You put into words, the ache of knowing that he was lying and that such a wonderful family was betrayed as where many of us in the electorate and well in general.
Thank You, for saying what I was thinking. Peace and Joy, be yours
Fran Kremlick
Kalamazoo, MI
Thank you, Fran. I think your sense of betrayal is being felt by hundreds of thousands of Americans right now. If you're going to throw your hat into the political ring, you have to be prepared to expect (and accept) the scrutiny of the media. These days, there can be no skeletons in any closets, because surely they'll come tumbling out. As have John's. At the expense of Elizabeth and their relationship, which is the sad part. - PJH
Edwards, in the tradition of Bill Clinton, you have continued to undermine faith in the political process by your hipocrisy and lies. You have a gem of a wife who stood beside you in spite of her own illness so you could persue political ambitions. Along the way, you found someone who gave you sexual gratification that, possibly, your wife could not give you because of her illness. I can read your mind, scum bag--you wanted this bimbo waiting in the wings so that when your wife passes, she can come in and take her place.
Along with all this of course, are your illegal finanacial manipulations. Hopefully, they will send you to prison where you will have all the sex you can handle.
Ladies:
Get over Edwards cheating ... 3/4th of guys cheat, and nowadays 50% of the women cheat. Men cheat even more when their wives are pregnant, or have a long-term illness. I don't hold it against him for cheating - I hold it against him for being a slime-ball Attorney. Most attorneys are low-rent, slime-balls. Not all are - just most. I hold it against him for being a slime-ball politician. Most politicians are slime-balls. Not all are - just most.
So there you have it - Edwards was both an attorney and a politician - he is/was a double slime-ball. End of story.
PJ:
Look at it this way - 50% plus of the marriages break-up. During the broken marriage and/or before the divorce - one or both will hook up with someone else. Of my men friends and men work colleagues - 80% have cheated at least once at some point. I run with some nice, very middle class, average people.
Google the question and the answer you will see from sites is 60% men/40% women cheat. I think it is a little more for both sexes. Why is this surprising?
I think Elizabeth Edwards is a most likely a wonderful woman and mother. But, she is married to an ego driven, narcissistic man. Most likely he has cheated many, many times because the opportunities would be everywhere in his line of work.
I have always supported John, but now I feel he has let his family down, his county down by lieing, I am still wondering if we have gotten the entire truth regarding the child he claims is not his. My heart is breaking for his wife who has endured so very much, and to have this hit her at such a trying time in her life..I know politicians have huge ego's however, John has always preached family values, perhaps his ego got the best of him.
The man who cheats and lies while pretending to be a moral family man is a disgrace to his spouse and his children. What a slap in the face for them at this stage of their lives. And women who borrow other women's husbands (while messing around with other men at the same time) are beneath contempt. Both of these people are despicable.
I sit here, 4 years and 9 weeks post diagnosis of my wife's breast cancer journey and can only tell you that you missed out on something. Breast cancer is a family journey with pain enough to go around for all but like a tootsie pop there is a chocolate center - but you missed that. After 34 years of marriage I am more in awe of my wife now than ever before. This is hard stuff for a husband to comprehend or talk about, but out of all this "stuff" I have learned so much about the meaning of our life together on a level that I doubt I would have otherwise.
I am sorry for you, I am sure you found this to be really hard and the thought of a healthy, fun, attractive woman to be really hard to ignore. I can't condemn you because as a man any of us could find ourselves in the same boat.
Actually I am not the least interested in John Edward's sex life. That is between him and his wife and none of my or anyone else's business.
I want to comment on the reference to Mrs Edwards as a poor cancer patient. I am woman, I have had cancer twice, cervical in 1988 and colon in 2000. I survived them both because I followed my doctors orders and did what I needed to do. I am sick and tired of people telling me that I am some kind of a hero because I survived cancer. I quit counseling cancer patients because I couldn't stand them looking at me as though I was an Olympic Gold medal winner or something. When I went into nursing in 1958 cancer was a death sentence. That is no longer so. Most people who die of cancer in this day and age do so because they either didn't care enough about their health that they neglected to have the available screenings (mammagrams, pap smears, stool blood, self exams of breasts and testes et al)) or they ignore the physical warning signs when they do appear either from a misplaced fear of the disease generated in part by all the negativity surrounding it and by treating survivors as some sort of winners in a macabe lottery. We need to look at cancer for what it is, a disease, treatable and cureable and act accordingly. Admittedly there are some cancers such as ovarian which are difficult to diagnose but intelligent precautions are a big help and ongoing medical care is primary.
Shirley, glad to hear a medical professional chiming in about the importance of screening, including mammograms. Especially since they keep coming out with those studies that say mammograms do nothing to save lives... I think you can take data and torture it till it says EXACTLY what you want it to say. I know a mammogram saved my life. As for being a hero, I always tell people, When you have cancer, you get through it because you have to; you have no choice. You're as strong as you need to be. If that's heroic, then we all have a hero living inside of us. Thanks for commenting here- PJH
Frankly, I don't know what to say. I am in shock. We know it happens. But let's not forget to put 1/2 of the blame on this Rielle Hunter. It is bad enough to sleep with another woman's husband, but also to do it, knowing what hell Elizabeth has been through. I myself, lost my 16 year old son to a car accident 3 and a half years ago and was diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast cancer in October 2006. So I can say I know what it feels like to lose a child and have cancer. In my book Elizabeth is one of the bravest women I know. And then to find out your husband, a very public figure, has had an affair. How devastating. And she still has the strength to forgive him. Shame, shame on both of them for doing this to Elizabeth. My prayers go out to her every day.
Ok, so John Edwards sinned. We now know that he like all of us is human and not the divine. There is no one that hasn't got skeletons in their closet that they are ashamed of. Even Jesus said, Let those free from sin throw the first rock. The difference is celebreties and the famous have the press looking for the next story and they have their personal lives and dirty laundry aired because the press has no respect for who they hurt in selling it. Doesn't it make you glad that you are a nobody to them? That affair is personal and between his wife and him and yes it has hurt her enough so can't we move on to the important issues that this country is facing that is being neglected instead of kepping it in her face and show the family mercy? She forgave him for his weakness and he has nothing to prove to anyone else but her. I think our energy is better spent on the accountability of our elected officials and what they are personally doing to the credibility of not only our country but it's people and believe me folks, their personal affairs with women aren't our problems. It's their personal affairs, being in bed with the lobbiests that buy them their seat to the white house, congress, senate etc. that screw this countrys for it's their business that they do and not, we the peoples. If you must get angry, get angry about this affair and not distracted about something that effects your personal lives in any way. Put your energy where it is needed instead of others personal business.
It is a disgrace to think that a woman is ill and her husband is cheating, etc. It isn't very fair. Men should go thru a menopause, as we women do. Men should experience all the emotional and physical problems that women encounter. Their sperm production should cease, as well as their sexual ability, in their mid 50's. But of course there are medications specifically designed to keep them sexually active in the 70's, etc. We would have a lot less problems.
John,
I'm appalled by the response of our "Holier than thou citizens" who somehow believe they have the right to judge you in your private life actions. It's these same hipocrites that creat on thir income taxes, look down on the poor and down and out (feel they're somehow better), don't believe that we should be helping the poor, and of couse they backed President Bush in his criminal war in Iraq responsible for the maming and killing more than a million innocent people....but these same hipocrites can tell you how you should be living your life.
I'm sorry that our population is so disgustingly Hollier than Thou".
Len
Len, your comments are exactly why I've said numerous times that I don't presume to judge John Edwards. I don't presume to judge anyone. However, I do feel I have the right to comment on how I felt when I heard about what he'd done: sad. As I'd feel sad about the same situation with any couple, in the limelight or not. - PJH
John Edwards, you are a cad and a hypocrite! Why are so many men so thoughtless and cruel? Is there ever an excuse for such behavior? I think not. "Men" are still little boys. It would be nice if they would ever grow up. And when Elizabeth needs you at the most devastating time of her life, you're not there. It would serve you right if you lost your whole family.
I remember some time ago listening to Elizabeth Edwards speak of her deceased son, Wade. She said he was her soulmate. I am sure that's what she said. At the time, I recall wondering what her husband thought of that comment.
Regardless, their relationship is just that...THEIRS alone to work through, heal through. I don't care if he was running for office of King of the World. All too often, the spouse, the family, the kin, the close friend of those of us experiencing cancer, are expected to be super human. That's my opinion, anyway. I have decided that it can't always be about me. It just can't. I may be experiencing the symptoms, the side effects and the what if's but if we're very lucky, we have someone sharing the ride with us. They have needs, fears, illness, panic, pain as well.
I am so sick of the constant finger pointing and moralizing that's nauseatingly prevalent these days...expecting perfect behavior from imperfect beings. Are the rest of us so sanctified and upstanding, never once having an error in judgment - big or small? I read somewhere that we all make a mistake every single day that could result in serious bodily harm or deep emotional wounding to another human being if not for the grace that sometimes rescues us -- we just don't know it.
Unless you have never made a mistake, perhaps we should first seek to understand and clean up our own lives as best we can.
I saw Elizabeth Edwards speak Fridy night-as a breast cancer patient, I hung on ever word. Most interesting other than her affirming everything we go through on a daily basis-was the manner in which she spoke of John Edwards, she mentioned him several times but never in a personal manner and always as my husband, the father of my children. I do suffered the fate of adultery as part of/a result of my breast cancer just in the past few weeks. It hurts, and the thought of having to date again and tell guys about my issue puts a knot in my stomach.
This person was supportive in front of others through my ordeals, but behind closed doors it was a different story. Elizabeth Edwards faced similar circumstances with grace and dignity.
Thanks for sharing your experience with us, Amy. I would have loved to have heard Elizabeth speak. I'm glad she's moving forward with dignity and grace, as you say... And I'm sorry you're having to experience the same tough challenges. Please stay in touch here, and consider writing a sharepost - you'll find lots of support from the women here in this community. Best of luck - PJH
I thought your commentary was wonderful and reflected everything I feel about this dispicable man. However, I feel he will NEVER realize the pain and heartache he has caused to his family. Why? Because in my heart of hearts, I believe him to be a raging narcissist, and those folks just don't think they have done anything wrong. I am sure, he is blaming Elizabeth for all that has happened, even if he has not verbalized this. I have had much experience with this personality disorder, as my mother happens to be a narcissist. (For example, while I was undergoing chemo for my breast cancer, and lost my hair, she compared her own age related hair thinning to my alopecia, stating she felt exactly what is was like to go thru chemo. She was also angry that when she called me during my treatments and while I was feeling sick, that I sounded "short" on the phone and decided not to call me anymore, because I couldn't give her the support she needed. So I know quite well what Elizabeth is going thru, married to this person. She is very courageous and I admire her greatly. As far as I am concerned, John Edwards is directly responsible for her recurrance.
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I am trying to figure out why this infidelity has struck me so. I defended Bill Clinton's presidency and have always felt that a person's private life should be treated as just that--private. Perhaps the level of my disgust is really a measure of my own need for heroes and heroins in a world basically gone mad with corruption and misplaced values. But each figurehead that falls makes a bigger splash in the pool of life. And the rings stretch to farther shores and touch more and more people.
I will continue to hold on to Elizabeth as my heroine. Even if she has an affair--which, frankly, I hope she has!!! You go girl!!! Here's to life, again!
Barbara Lee
Yeah, I know, Barbara. I figure, Bill and Hillary, that's their affair. (No pun intended!) I think John Edwards' indiscretion affected me more because Elizabeth has already been through too much. Not that anyone deserves a wandering spouse, but hasn't she had a lifetime's share of hardship already? John - as I said, I'm not judging, but your actions make me feel very sad...