Would I Let My Mother Die of Breast Cancer?

Hi PJ,The prompt replies I get to my queries from you & others on this website makes me feel there's a whole group of angels out there.Coming from such a wonderfully brave family as you do,I now understand where you get it from.I'm presently facing great tension because of the pneumonia I got post chemo & radiation.The doc wants t rule out another cancer so I underwent a CT Scan last evening. Expecting the results tonight.Well,I've been thinking that if another cancer has begun,or maybe the previous one hasn't been wiped out altogether, I may just want to fade away with suitable pain management.I'm 63 & still have much to look forward to.But I don't want to go through the same long grind of chemos & radiotherapy all over again.I hope your mom never gets cancer.All the best.

Cressida

My daughter is an MD and researcher at a premier and well known university.  Her published studies show that women over 80 who discover their breast cancer do not satistically extend their life span by aggresive treatment.

Dearest P.J.,

When I first saw the subject of your article so many thoughts went through my mind such as it all depends on how old she is to bottom line, if she is of sound mind it's her choice.  I just can't find the adjective to describe how fortunate you are to be able to discuss death with your wonderful mother!  My mother was 74 years old when she passed away from metastasized breast cancer and remember vividly telling her it's okay to let go; she died a couple of hours later.  I will be turning 70 next week and although young in today's standard, I'm unable to discuss the possibility of death with my daughters or my husband OR my friends.   I am physically healthy and although senior moments come often, which I call sympathetic chemo brain (My daughter is an 11 year Inflammatory Breast Cancer Survivor) I wonder if I was dx with any type of cancer, how I would react BUT as we know, until this happens you never know how you're going to react!  Our life experiences as we get older and lose so many loved ones puts everything in perspective about death AND proves how strong we all are;    life as we knew it will never be the same but life does go on! 

P.J. .. thanks so much for sharing this story with us!  I always say, Oh, the stories we can tell and you shared yours with us which is more than appreciated - oh so bittersweet. Your mom must be so proud of you and the bond you have with her is a beautiful one.  Let's hope she will not be the one in eight who is dx with any type of cancer and she lives a long healthy life!   

Marilyn 'Mare' Kirschenbaum

Vice President

Inflammatory Breast Cancer Foundation

www.ERASEibc.com    

My Mom passed away from metastic breast cancer almost 5 years ago. I miss her dearly. I sincerely hope that your mother never has to go through what mine did. Hers was diagnosed 4 1/2 years earlier; she had a radical mastectomy. At the time, of the 15 lymph nodes taken, 1 had cancer. I lived in a different state over 1500 miles from my Mom at the time. I found out later (4 1/2 yrs. later) that "further treatment was not offered to the patient (Mom) because of her age". This is a quote from the Dr. notes. My mother was 72 at the time. Mom was never told, never offered any treatment, she was oblivious about medical treatment. When her cancer returned is when we were read the notes about no treatment being even offered. Metastic breast cancer is a horrible disease. My Mom was a trooper though. She went through radiation, which did not stop the cancer, only delayed death. She had a weak heart also which then prevented some treatments, including trials. She chose to move in with me and live her last 18 months. I will forever cherish her decision. We had so many mother-daughter talks and discussed anything and everything. I have not been able to part with her ashes yet, but will soon.  I also lost my older sister to ovarian cancer 5 years prior to losing my Mom. I know what my chances of having breast cancer is, more than 1 in 8.  I don't know how I will handle it either.  I know the suffering and pain that my sister and Mom went through.  I am not sure it is worth it.  I am only 57 now, but think of my life often.  Here's hoping that a definite cure will soon be found so that women will not have to suffer through this horrible disease.

Debbie in Texas