1Yr. since diagnosed

By Esther Kowalski Friday, March 23, 2007

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It was a year today that I had that phone call informing me that I had Invasive Ductal Carcinoma.I am still mystified that I took it so calmly. I guess it was because it didn't seem real to me but for whatever reason the calmness helped me through the next few months of decision making. The reality really hit when I woke up from the mastectomy.

Strangely, I am more distressed today as I realize that being told I was cancer free in Sept. after the chemo was finished, doesn't mean I will necessarily stay cancer free. I just heard that Elizabeth Edwards who had breast cancer in 2004, just found our that it has returned. I am feeling really depressed. I guess I had better have myself a good cry and then go to the gym and work my way out of this mood.

Arimidex

Comments (7) | Add comment

Anonymous

3/24/07 3:37am

We hear you -- and your worries. Take care of yourself!

Mary Blocksma

3/24/07 8:47am

I understand how you are feeling...Elizabeth Edwards condition has scared us all. But it was an illusion to call herself "cancer free." We never know if we are cancer free, or for how long. It's not like getting an appendix out and going back to normal.

I've had to accept the fact that anything can happen, any time. When it happens to someone else, I both feel for the person but it also flares up that secret fear I carry in myself.

The only solution I've found is gratitude for this moment. I know, I hate what I call "ooey ooey" stuff, but it's all I know. And I think a workout at the gym is a great idea. I myself plan on a treadmill mix today.

Thanks for writing. Good luck!

SusanP

3/25/07 11:23am

Oh my! You totally reflect my feelings of post treatment anxiety. I endured chemo nicely. I was quite brave. I then did my radiation treatments during my lunch hour. I am an English teacher. I lost my hair and prepared my students for the new look (wig) and they were great. I lost a total of four days due to chemo and zip from radiaiton even though I had second degree burns and needed to halt treatments for a week.

I awoke to Elizabeth Edward's press conference this last weekm and I became a puddle of pea soup. I am back to reading all the books on the subject and obsessively "googling" on the subject. That is how I found this great blog. I have this awful "just waiting for it change from stage 2 to 4" and I am losing my confidence.

It has been suggested I take antidepressants, but they do nothing for bc so I am not too interested. Another suggestion was a support group which I have never tried, yet would be open to one. Any thoughts. I just finished treatments a month ago.
Thank you

Anonymous

3/26/07 4:00pm

I second and third everyone's emotions. I am a year out of chemo and just finished 1st year on tamoxifen. The fear got the best of me last week and this weekend. In addition to the exercise -- wonderful coping mechanism-- I went on an anti-anxiety medication. There is a generic so it's not expensive and the dose is very small (from .5 mg to 2 mg). I am a very med-adverse person, but I'm glad I caved and take the drug. It really calms me down and quickly. The other thing that is helping me a lot is seeing that there are others just like me. This site is the best one I've come across.

As for support groups, it depends on the group. Try one and if you don't like it, try another one. I was also afraid for a long time of support groups because I didn't want someone "bringing me down" and making me worry about something I hadn't been. However, I found a good group and I'm glad they are there.

Thoughts and prayers are always with you. Keep the faith!

Anonymous

3/27/07 11:44am

Hi, Esther. Did going to the gym help? Have you been reading more in newspapers or watching the news?

Esther Kowalski

3/27/07 1:29pm

To anonymous who asked if the gym helped:

Regular exercise, according to experts, is helpful in prevention of many medical problems. For me it is even more important for my mental health. I found this out even before the breast cancer. There was a time that my family doctor wanted to put me on anti depressants. Instead of the pills, I joined a gym and went on a regular basis, at least four times a week. I found my depression soon lifted. After treatment for the breast cancer, I returned to the gym and find it helpful each time I feel that "fear" creep in. For those that can't afford a gym membership, even walking a few miles a day is helpful. For me, the gym added an extra perk. Whenever I go, I feel like I am in my sanctuary where I can't be reached by cell phone, etc. IT IS MY TIME!

Anonymous

3/27/07 3:41pm

Thank you, Esther. I like the idea of walking over taking (and paying for) pills.

1Yr. since diagnosed

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