bmack0859@yahoo.com

3/15/08 7:35am

Hang in there Brian!

I was recently diagnosed with breast cancer stage 2B myself. My husband has been my life saver for the past 6wks. of everything i've gone through. He's remained so positive through this whole ordeal and when i'm down lifts me up. I've often wondered how he's handled this with such a positive attitude and known that there had to be times when he was more afraid than me. Your post opened my eyes to how he really must feel. I honestly don't think you communicating your feelings to her would be a burden. I know she understands already. You hang in there! You sound like a wonderful husband. Prayers to your family from Illinois!

Brian

3/16/08 12:27am

Dear Sue,

Thank you for your response, I was very down the other night after she went to sleep.

I will prey for you, and my wife. I feel that she will be fine, but in the back of my mind ? I'm afraid as she is. I only talk to her about the positive, but in the back of my mind is the chance of the negative. I'm sure this is normal, but what is normal anymore. I'm not only recently aware of how many women suffer from breast cancer, but the survival rate is amasing from years ago. God bless all of the women that have to go through this.

Thanks For responding, and God bless you, and husband,

Brian

Maria Gifford, Editor

3/16/08 11:04am

Hello Brian,

Welcome to our community. I'm glad you've found us. There are many people here -- especially husbands of women with breast cancer -- that know exactly how you feel and want to offer their understanding and support.

Please see:

Breast Cancer Husbands and Partners

http://www.healthcentral.com/breast-cancer/breast-cancer-husbands.html

If I can help you find more specific information, just let me know.

Your wife is very blessed to have your love and support. Breast cancer treatment has come a long way, so stay positive for her, for you, for your children. Many, many women have been diagnosed, treated, and today are continuing with their lives -- healthy and cancer-free. Full recovery outcomes are much greater than you think.

Be sure to keep us posted on how things are going. Write again soon.

Best,

Maria

Doug Haberstroh, Health Guide

3/17/08 9:09pm

Brian,

My name is Doug and I am a breast cancer husband. You are not alone in this fight, although I know at times it seems like you are, but you have a whole community of support behind you and that's why I'm writing you to tell you all about it. This network is amazing and you can find a world of information to help you along the way, it is also filled with people that are going through or have already gone through the battle in which you find yourself and your wife now and these people are willing to help as you have already probably figured out. There's also another great organization out there called Men Against Breast Cancer, you can find there link on this Network's site, but they are here to help the Men that are helping their Women and provide another great site filled with information and contacts that you can reach out to for a friend that knows what it is like to be dealing in our situation.

I hate to have to welcome you to our community, but know that we are all in this fight together and we are all here to support one another. As I read in another comment to your Post I want to emphasize how important it is to be open and truthful with your wife right now. Share with her what you are feeling and thinking becasue in doing so she will feel more comfortable in opeing up to you. I know you are scared and I know for sure how scared she is too, but in being one together in this fight the better off you'll both be. Let her know that you are there behind her 100% as I know you are and you are a good man for that. Please realize too that you need to take care of yourself and get rest, she needs you to be well so you can take care of her and if you don't take care of yourself you won't be able to take care of her like you need to.

My thoughts and prayers will be with you and know that I would love for you to contact me if you need someone just to listen or some friendly words. I have gone through Breast Cancer with my wife and if you would like I want to invite you to read our story which you can find on this Network, it's called "Keri's Story", and it goes through everything we delt with, and the reason I'm sharing it now is that we were faced with many questions throughout our battle and we hope that in sharing with others that you don't need to be faced with the same questions or if you are at least you'll have some answers.

Remember, you are not alone, reach out if you ever have any questions.

God Bless and I wish you and your wife the best,

Doug

Brian

3/19/08 5:18pm

Doug,

It is so difficult for me to let her know I'm afraid for her. I don't want to add to what she is going through. I cry when she's not around, and I'm by myself. I'm trying to only think positive, but my mind wanders into other areas when she's not with me. I think of my children, and I get so upset to think there is a chance she may not be here for them. I lost my mother to cancer when I was 18, and that plays over, and over in my head. I look at my children and think how this could devastate them, because I still remember how I felt when my mother past. I cursed God for taking her from me. I guess we will have a better understanding of how bad it is next Friday after her operation.

Thanks for responding to me, and I'll read your story.

Thanks, Brian

Doug Haberstroh, Health Guide

3/19/08 7:10pm

Brian,

I hear so much of myself in what you are saying when I was going through it with my wife. The one thing I did though was to let my wife know that it's okay to cry and be emotional, heck this is a time that it makes the most sense and it is only normal. Don't think that in crying you are in some way being weak or not strong for your wife, there will become a time that you have to let it out because if you keep it all inside it will only build. I am sorry to hear that you lost your mother to cancer and have to play that out and are reminded of that situation now. I was not fortunate in the matter that my wife and I had time for children before she was diagnosed, my heart goes out to you and your kids and especially your wife. You are taking the right steps though if there is such a thing at this time, you are being very supportive and caring, don't give that up. Take one day at a time and keep sight of the light at the end of the tunnel. Don't pass up the good days and don't let one minute go by without telling your wife and kids how much you love them and how much you all love each other.

I will be thinking about you on Friday and I wish you the best. Your wife is lucky she has you behind her, being strong is not easy and I will never say it is, but nothing about dealing with cancer is easy but it takes strong supportive people to help those in the battle to make their lives that much easier.

Again, I'm here if you need me and I hope reading "Keri's Story" has given you a little insight of where I'm coming from.

God Bless and all thoughts and prayers are with your wife and you,

Doug

Brian

3/20/08 12:31am

Doug,

I did read Keri's story when I first found this site, and I'm sorry the name did not stick. I'm so sorry for your loss. I feal so bad you didn't have a long period of time together, she was so young. I appreciate you taking the time to respond to me after all you and Keri went through. I will follow up with the update after the operation, and I hope all will be good. It struck when you said she was not only your wife, but also your best friend. I have said the same thing for years about my wife. I must admit that I am very fortunate to be with the same women for the last 31 year's, and married for 25 in September. I'm looking forward to 2X that. You take care of yourself, and keep the great memories alive of the best times you had with Keri.

God Bless,

Brian

Cressida

3/18/08 4:23pm

Hi Brian

Just want you to know that your wife is one lucky lady to have a caring husband like you.I'm going through breast cancer treatment and am hopeful of coming out on the other side.No husband to care for me(I was divorced years ago)but I have two daughters and two lovely little grandsons.And I want to live for them.My family's been wonderful throughout my mastectomy,seven chemo treatments with one still to go,later to be followed by radiotherapy.Don't you ever give up.Your wife will be fine.Remember many of us have gone through it in one way or another so think of us holding on and believe firmly in your own strength and in that of your wife.

All the best to you and her.

Brian

3/19/08 5:30pm

Cressida,

When Sue was going through her first treatment's of Chemo I was with her each time. I want to be with her for all her appoinment's and I'm fortunate to be able to in my business. I did get upset for the women that were in the room getting Chemo, and were alone. I hope your daughters live near you, and are able to be with you. I'll include you in my prayers.

God Bless, Brian

Cressida

3/21/08 5:15am

Brian

I have a daughter with me as well as my sister who's a doc.They both accompany me for chemos.My married one is in UK with her husband & kids but will come over in July to spend a month with me.I do see some poor women whose husbands don't bother to accompany them.The richer people here are mostly well educated,thus the level of awareness in them.

Yes,please,do pray for me.Each prayer matters.I shall be praying hard for your wife and,by the grace of God,she'll recover just as I shall. Big Smile

Thank you so much.

Brian

3/21/08 8:30pm

Cressida,

I'm very glad your daughter is able to be with you, also your sister. I hope I didnt' come off the wrong way, and if I did I apologise. I feel like I have vented to much, and I think hearing from others about what they are going through will help me. I know I'm not the only one in the situation, but I must be honest I have felt alone in my thought's before I found this site. Yes I wish it was me, and I think that would be easier on me, but that is not the case. I hope I have not offended you or anyone on this site, but I'm just getting better as I vented. I will try to look up not down.

God Bless

Cressida

3/22/08 8:38am

Brian

I underwent a moment of stark fear when the final confirmation came from the doc.I remember going into my room with one of my sisters and letting go of myself,telling her to hide me somewhere or tell me it was just a bad dream.After that,I felt much better and was able to look things in the face.So you see,we all need to give vent to our feelings.This site welcomed me immediately,and since then,has been a source of great comfort to me.I have my moments of anxiety even now but communicating with others here helps me ever so much.We are all here for one another,whether as patients,survivors,caretakers,friends or family.You must never worry about sharing your feelings with us all.

Please,keep us posted about your wife.Wishing both of you all the best.

Cressida

Spunky

3/20/08 1:50pm

Brian -

KayeD

3/21/08 11:32am

Brian:

Share your feelings with your wife. That emotional connection is wonderful. I know you want to be strong for her, please don't do that to your own detriment. Together, both of you can face all of this, like you've done with everything in your marriage. How lucky she is to have a wonderful man like you! I know you want to protect her and you probably even wish it was you instead of her. This experience, while not easy, will make both of you better, stronger people. IT will also benefit your children to see how strong and devoted to each other you are.

I was in the middle of my divorce when I was diagnosed with stage 2B, and my ex husband actually told me I deserved this for all of the trouble I'd caused him when I left him. Obviously, you can all see now why I left him. He was, and continues to be, incredibly selfish and mean. I'm lucky though; my friends came with me to infusion sessions. My sons came to pick me up and take care of me after surgeries. My parents flew up from Florida to cook meals and put them in my freezer. Friends took me out to dinner, or just brought me to their place to have some friendship, a few laughs, and best of all, to play with their dogs!

You and your wife are blessed with your strong marriage!

We are all praying for you and keeping you both in our thoughts.

Brian

3/26/08 12:36pm

KayD,

I have shared some of my feelings with my wife, but just enough to let her know I'm also afraid. I know divorce is difficult, but how could he ever say you deserve this. I don't care how much you dislike you xspouse. I also appreciate you saying how lucky she is, but I'm the lucky one to be have marry my childhood sweetheat. God bless you.

Brian

PJ Hamel, Health Guide

3/28/08 4:40pm

This is a wonderful place to let your feelings out. You feel like you need to keep it all together for your family, but you need to take care of yourself to do that - which means venting - which means here. I hope your wife does well with the mastectomy - so many of us have had that surgery and gone on to recover and feel great; hope her experience is the same, and you can all go on with your life, enjoying it with an even greater appreciation after having been through all of this. God bless you all, Brian - PJH

Brian

3/30/08 1:50am

To all,

Sue had her operation Friday it was about six and a half hour's. Her Dr. said she would feel as she was hit by a bus on Saturday. I was prepaired for that, but to my supprise, and I think hers I would not say it was easy , but it was much better than we thought. I was not sure if she would have wanted me to stay with her throught the night or go home. Well I was happy when she ask if I would stay with her to help. I know there would be no chance a nurse would have been able help her with her needs with the ice chips, and putting a cold wet face cloth on her forehead ever five minutes. They had the room I think at 95 degress to keep the blood flowing through her newly transplanted tissue, she had a TRAM reconstuction surgery. I'm amased at how good she looks after such a long surgery. I thing women are just amasing at what they can endure without complaining. There was a trace or cancer in her Lymph Nodes, so I guess she will need Chemo again, and Radiation. I'm more optomistic now that I had a chance to post my feelings on this site, and have people listen to me and understand. I new in my heart I was not the only one going through this before I found this site, But I felt I was.

This is not over by any means I'm sure, but I need to say when I came home tonight I wanted to see if there was any response on my E-mail, or I planned to read others post's to maybe respond to. This site is a God Sent. I will post additional info. on my wifes progress. God bless all.

Brian

PJ Hamel, Health Guide

3/30/08 10:59am

Brian, that's good news that Sue has gotten through her mastectomy/TRAM and is now ready to start healing. She'll definitely need your help - especially with bathing while she has the drains in - but time heals, it just does, and this will all start to fade as the months go on - esp. once she's done chemo. All I can say is, I followed nearly the exact same path 6 years ago - lumpectomy (didn't work), mastectomy, TRAM, cancer in the lymph nodes, chemo, radiation... and now I'm NOT "good as I was before" - I'm BETTER! Healthier, more positive, happy to be alive. I wish and pray the same for you, Sue, and your kids and family. God bless you all - PJH

Paul

4/ 6/08 11:55pm

i've been dealing with the same type of issue for about 6 years now. first was a lump then surgery and radiation,chem, blood transfusions, remission, reoccurrence, now chemo again. someone asked me once when it all was getting too overwhelming if i could just 'do today' can you and the Lord do just today. soemtimes that is all you can do and experience the blessings given then and there. maybe just this morning or afternoon whatever the case may be you can do it because you're not alone. I'm new to this stuff but if you want to correspond let me know when you write back. i'll be as helpful as i can.

write back soon.

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