Thank you so much for this! I had a tram and have been a bit slow to heal -- now it turns out I do need to do chemo -- but I wonder if I will have the strength to finish the reconstruction after that. I too (and have laughed about it) have the light headed reaction to gory details. The mind-body connection is smart about what it can handle!
I am about 7 weeks out from my TRAM flap reconstruction and I am nervous about more surgery. Since I opted to only have one breast removed, there was only one to reconstruct. So now I sit here with one perky breast that is maybe a DD and another less perky breast that is an H. And I am supposed to have more surgery in the future to reduce my natural breast and to have my nipple "installed". But... I'm struggling with the decision to have anymore surgery.
I am glad to read someone else's story about having a difficult time making these decisions. I know that after the fact -- usually well after -- I will feel better about the decision to move forward. But right now, today... I feel totally stuck and afraid to take another step forward.
Your story helped me to realize that I have to take that step. :)