I really do appreciate the response you all have given me and I will put my wall down and take the help. I do have a great group of friends and family to help and i think its silly not to take it. Its so sad to think of my journey ahead. I was diagnosed in june at stage 0 and sadly my surgical oncologist never made me the priority. From my first appt I told him I wanted both removed because of my age I just didnt want to think of having to go through anything like this again and I knew it would decrease my chances of having it on my left side if it was removed aswell. In september I started bleeding from my left breast (blood from my right breast was a symptom Id been having for years and Drs diagnosed me with mastitus even though Id never had kids, finally after begging for "nipple exploration" a 3 cm tumor was found) so I told my oncologist that I wanted to try and set a surgery date asap... If i had it my way I would have had it immediately after being told I had cancer. I was happy to finally have a surgery date of 10-31-11 but unfortunately 5 days before my surgery the Dr's assistant called me to tell me he was dropping me as a patient because he did not want to work with the plastic surgeon my HMO assigned. I was so upset, here I am 24 years old, I have worked with this Dr for almost 5 months and 5 days before my surgery he cancels it and not even an "I am sorry" Now instead of bleeding from one breast I am bleeding from 2. Instead of the possibility of having no chemo I am looking at anywhere from 3-7 treatments. After 1 month of fighting for a new surgical oncologist I was approved but its just so stressful. I work for my insurance company and deal with member and provider issues all the time and never have I had a member in my situation.  I am so ready to have this surgery because cancer is so expensive and iv been on disability since july 1st but at the same time Im dreading it. I have been so strong for everyone else, to ensure that they dont stress to much about me that Iv convinced myself into believing my own strength but the truth is im terrified. I will never be the person I was. Im so sick of all the hardships and stress but I know this is just the beginning.  I am pretty possitive i will be looking to all of you for strenght and comfort. Its hard because my whole life I have been the strong one, the one who took care of everyone and never showed emotion and even now I have not cried or shown my fears, im to busy comforting others to even allow them to comfort me. :/ I appreciate all your advise. It means more to me then you all know.

Phyllis Johnson, Health Guide

12/ 5/11 6:20am

I'm sorry that you have had such a tough time so far.  I well remember the need to be independent when I was in my twenties, and it sounds like you have taken the role of the "strong" person among your relatives and friends.  To get through this, you will need someone you can vent to and rely on.  We are here for the venting and are glad to listen. 

Try to find someone who can go with you to medical appointments.  It really helps to have a second set of listening ears and someone who can ask follow-up questions when you are too busy processing new information to know what to ask.  Also find someone whose shoulder you can cry on (figuratively or literally).  This may or may not be the same person who goes with you to appointments.  Make a list of your friends and family and think of what each can do to help you through this.  Some will be good for a ride to the doctor or a casserole.  Others will be good for emotional support.  Friends your age probably have little life experience in dealing with serious illness, so you will need to let them know what you need.  You might think about older relatives or work colleagues who can help too.  No one can be strong all of the time, but you will find the strength to get through this.