4) Do Your Research

John recommends partners educate themselves. Try Dr. Susan Love’s Breast Book. It’s a one-stop shop for reliable information about breast cancer. Visit the American Cancer Society Web site. Take a look at various resources. Then read, study, and learn. It will serve you well as you navigate the medical maze and are called on to offer advice throughout your complicated journey.

5) Locate an Outlet for Emotion

Help your spouse find a support group, an on-line community, an organization where she can channel her feelings and relate with others. John led me to writing. He encouraged me to create my Breast Cancer blog, a Web site journal about my experience. He set it up, taught me the basics, and let me loose. It helped me communicate with friends and family about my progress, it became a form of therapy, and it eventually led editors my way. Writing about cancer gave me a career. This makes John proud. You can start writing here on MyBreastCancerNetwork.com by posting a comment or writing your first SharePost.

6) Stay One Step Ahead

Try to anticipate what’s coming next. If your partner will have surgery, initiate time off from work, arrange for childcare, and plan meals. If chemotherapy is on the books, think about hair loss and how you might ease the trauma. Radiation? Fatigue is a common side effect so prepare for your partner to feel tired. Let her know it’s OK to let go and rest.

7) Make Cancer a Priority

“Work is not important,” John says. “Cancer is.” Plan to go to appointments, visit during treatments, care for your kids during tough times, and come home at a moment’s notice if necessary.

8) Support Everything

Hold her hand, rub her back, massage her sore scalp, shave your head, walk, run, raise money, wear pink shirts, do whatever it takes to prove you are by her side. It’s everything—really.

9) Be Real

Be strong. Be weak. Be hopeful. Be frightened. Laugh. Cry. Scream. Hide. It’s necessary. It’s healthy. It will make you a better you. It will make you a better partner.

10) Keep Moving

I obsessed about cancer in the beginning. It’s all I thought about. Fortunately for me, it often slipped off John’s radar and allowed him to continue living. And he invited me to keep living. We went out to dinner, took family trips, lost ourselves in the joy of our little boys, and simply kept moving. Good thing we did—because we soared through and beyond cancer. And now, when I get a glimpse of the disease in the rearview mirror, I can’t help but think John is the reason I am happily surviving.