Before being diagnosed, I was always put off a little with the term "battling cancer". It just seemed so rough and tough, and the people I knew that had been through cancer all seemed so poised and grateful and an inspiration to be around. I held the belief that cancer couldn't have been much of a battle for them to come out the other end of it seemingly unscathed. But now I think differently. And although I still don't like the term "battle" (I think I'm too much of a pacifist for this word)I do understand that it is a force to be reckoned with, whether one wants to or not. Round 2 of my AC chemo treatment wasn't any more kinder to me than #1 and even left me with a couple of new side effects I didn't experience on my first tour of duty :-). I seem to be coming back slower this time. And also giving into the dread of two more sessions. Thankfully, I know some folks that are able to pull me back to a more healthy way of viewing this time in my life. It also helps to "bump" into fellow cancer survivors (bandanas and bald heads give us away) at restaurants, grocery stores, etc... and in a quick conversation feel the hope that arises from the fact that I am not alone in this and am in good company. I may hate chemo and never want to do it again, but I haven't met one person that's been through it that agrees with me that I should quit. I can surrender my self-will on this and believe that they know better.
We took a small hike as a family yesterday. I definitely was slowed down and my family was way ahead of me for the most of it. But I was still able to be happy to be out on such a gorgeous day watching Stephanie and Cody climbing rocks and living life like there wasn't a big black cloud of cancer hanging over our heads. Kids are great for this! I will try to remember to take more leads from them in the days to come. Thanks, Laurie
