Hi Everybody,
It has been a bit of a tough couple of months.
First of all the tamoxifin was a no-go...it made me very sick...running to the bathroom...nausea, diarrhea...kind of sick...so they switched me to arimadex...now I am having major joint pain, headaches...and did I mention the blistery rashes I sometimes get, or the tiredness I always feel...the neuropathy is still bad...I am a little more on the "weepy side" than normal...and, OMG the hot flashes!!
I own my own business with my husband...this cancer thing put a real strain on the business. It is getting better since I finished chemo but it takes a real push and effort to keep things up and going. Plus my mother just passed away unexpectedly. That was really hard. Not only dealing with the grief (which I'm still doing) but also taking care of everything from memorial services, packing up and cleaning out her house, preparing it for sale, dealing with the realtor, etc, etc.
So when I read all the fine print on the side effects of the medicines and then some of the things you are supposed to do to deal with them it cracks me up.
- Avoid stress (yeah, right..)
- Depression (is it the medicine...or maybe I really do just feel sad)
- Tiredness (is it the medicine...or the fact that I'm not sleeping well...so I really am just tired).
- Headache (is it the medicine...or.....
You get the picture!!!
Still have three more months of Herceptin...I'll need to figure out what options I have for Tamoxifin or Arimidex...can't do this for 5 years!!!
I'd put off the reconstruction when my mom took ill...now its trying to find the time to be out of action with the business....not sure when that can be.
Whine, whine, whine, whine....it's not me...the medicine is making me whine...yea, that's it....it's all the medicines fault....it can't just be...life...nope, it's the medicine. I always used to be an energetic up person....it's the medicine...
Okay, I feel better....thanks for letting me vent!!!
And hey, on a lighter note....it's time to bring out the pink wig again!!!!! There is a Breast Cancer Awareness event taking place at the end of the month....the pink wig has been requested!!!
There have been some great things happening lately, too....my hair is coming back all curly...it is hilarious...I can't do a thing with it...but, hey, its hair...and I do so love my eye lashes...I missed my eye lashes....!!! I didn't miss having to shave my legs...but that's okay, too! I remember being so scared that it wouldn't grow back...so, I'm thrilled to shave my legs...I even tweezed my eyebrows today!!!! Hooray!!!! Did I mention that my hair is a salt and pepper brown...I'm thinking about coloring it to get rid of the gray...but I heard the "chemo hair" is a little sensitive and it could come out purple or Blue or something...so I'm not going to risk it yet...bad enough that I feel like Shirley Temple...I don't think I could handle looking like Cookie Monster!
I started on the Arimidex last October, and what a year it was, bilateral mastectomies, chemo and radiation and then Arimidex. I had to take off from my business for 9 months and that span of time with full payroll for a small business was a real burden. I went back to work last October and have been struggling with my desire to do something else with my time now that I was able to get through the 20 firewalks that chemo turned out to be.
My hair came back curly and now it's thinning from the Arimidex but having lost my hair was not a problem.
I just visualize complete cure, excellent health and just cope with the depression, insomnia, bone pain and impatience. What an experience cancer can be!!!.
Keep on keeping on!!!!take good care.
Perla,
I was just reading your sharepost!! Sounds like we are feeling very similar things. I, too, am looking at changing my business "focus". I have this need now to "make a difference"....very trite! Ha!!
But I own an advertising/production house...and my heart just isn't in making car commercials right now...I only want to work on things that mean something....I only want to work with people who are ethical, good, nice, caring, givers and not takers....boy, does this sound really stupid!!! But I feel like life is too short and too precious to waste time with anything else.
Your post talked about how hard the arimidex is on you....I'm going to talk to my doctor next week at infusion...I'm not sure it's worth it...I feel terrible!! If nothing else I might go off it for a month and re-challenge later...I need a break!!
Thanks for the support---right back at you!!!!!!!
Take care,
Koponen
Hello back at you....I was remembering when I went back to my shop in October and the customers said very solicitously "are you better?" and then "WHERE'S MY STUFF". I would have closed my doors then and there but fortunately I was able to relax enough to make a sounder decision and wait. The store has been on the market for 2 years but we live in a rural area and with this "change" in the real estate market, I've not had any offers.
I only have 53 million seconds left on my lease and making serious plans to pay off my debts and close my doors by then.
The data supports the effectiveness of Arimidex so I want to be clear that I'm taking it for life affirming reasons not out of fear. There is a website on Arimidex where women write in their opinion of it. Very mixed, some women are practically bed ridden so I know that I'm actually probably tolerating it better than others. It's between the side effects of the medication and the effects of lacking estrogen which my body would really like to have.
My focus now is being the moment and finding value in every little ordinary thing of each of my days. It's hard to explain to anyone how aware I am what has changed for me. I feel most days like my bra is too tight...just a reminder of my own skin I guess.
I'm glad we connected and are figuring out how to do meaningful things with our time.
Have a great day.
Perla