Wednesday nine years ago my mother died. God gave me two gifts that night, one I asked for specifically and one I never ever could have even imagined, that was and will always be one of the most close-to-heaven moments ever. Let me tell you how it all happened.

Mom and I were close, very close. We laughed , we argued, we planned, we figured things out. Spent alot of time together. Discussed every detail of my life, the kids, Mike, and her and Dad. Mom was one of those people who are like glue and magnets. She knew how to engage people together in a substantial way like glue, and people were drawn to her like to a magnet. The last five years of her life she was in a wheelchair, her body failing her from forty years of insulin-dependent diabetes. She was overweight, partially blind from macular degeneration. She was on oxygen 24 hours a day, due to COPD. But she was full of life.

I got a phone call from Dad on December 2nd, to come right away. Mom had fainted and fallen, and didn't want him to call 911. I was close by, and got there in about 10 minutes. Mom had gotten herself back into bed and was lying on her right side. I lay next to her, she was crying. She said, Sara don't call the ambulance. I just want to die. I am ready. Please just let me die. Oh no Mom, I said. Let's get the ambulance, have them take you right to the Winter Park Hospital and let's see what happened, why you fell.

So we did and they came. For eighteen days in Winter Park Hospital we were hopeful. They tested Mom all around, she was walking a few steps with her walker, she was breathing better. She had a private room, we had a CD player with Christmas Carols going, we read from the Bible, from the Episcopal Prayer Book. So hopeful.

The morning of December 20th, I walked into her room to see two nurses holding her up in bed, trying to get her sit up. She couldn't hold her head up, kept slouching her back, couldn't talk. It was as if she were continually almost waking up, then right away falling asleep. I told them to lie her back on the bed. They did. I called her doctors and Dr. W arrived within the hour. Her kidneys had shut down, her heart rate and blood pressure were subnormal, her oxygen level was terribly low, her body was failing.

Thankfully we have fantastic General Practitioners who are willing to talk honestly. And pray with you. He explained to us what was happening to Mom's body, and that he would do their best to keep her comfortable throughout her dying. He had the IV and monitors disconnected. Medicines discontinued. The nurses came in every 3 hours to check Mom's pulse, that is it. And morphine if she ever grimaced or groaned as if in pain.

I stayed in the chair next to her that day. And the next. And the next. She lay there still. I massaged moisture cream onto her feet and legs. I moistened her lips with water and lip goop. I prayed, sang, read to her. I talked to her. I told her it was okay to die.