In the Midst of Chaos, a Piece of Clarity

 

Editor's Note: How do you measure inspiration? In Natalia Hernandez's case, we could point you to the stream of passionate comments that so many of you have left in the past few days (as well as Natalia's responses). Or, Natalia could forward you batches of emails she has received, as a result of sharing her tremendous story and outlook on life with us. She is a vivacious young woman in her 20's, facing stage 4, metastatic breast cancer. And, in spite of her prognosis, she has a sparkling sense of purpose and a clear sense of what the future holds. Inspiring and truly indomitable, Natalia Hernandez has chosen to join our Expert Patient team. We are grateful to have her close by.

 

Why I Google, Why I Write

 

I got diagnosed with metastatic breast (stage 4) breast cancer in August of 2007. Since then, I have felt completely alone, until I made a Google search in a moment of pure desperation that changed how I felt, I would say, forever.

 

I have a pretty big family, not to mention an awesome boyfriend that brings me all the flowers, and junk my stomach desires, almost everyday.

 

 

My mom is seriously my best friend in the world, without her I would be lost. I have two awesome brothers that keep me company. One is completely hilarious, and the other is my playstation buddy.

 

Oh my god, I can't forget my son, my 2-pound toy chihuahua who never leaves my side. I have honestly learned how loyal and loving dogs can actually be. I also have my uncle, his family, my cousin and his family, as well as a million friends, well not that many, but you get the point.

 

I have many friends that come see me all the time and are always wanting to take me out and make me feel better. Most people would say, "Natalia, what do you have to complain about? You have more than enough people around you that you should never feel alone."

 

But, its not true.

 

I had a complete meltdown about 3 weeks ago. I got consumed with everything. My chemo's, my upcoming surgery, my hair loss -- all the things that come with cancer -- and I started yelling and screaming. I told my mom that no one could ever understand how I felt because no one that I knew was going through what I was going through.

 

Inside, I felt like I was standing in the middle of the world and my feet are covered in cement blocks and everyone around me is moving and accomplishing their goals, basically living their life and I am stuck with nowhere to go and all I could do is sit in the side lines and watch everyone live their life, but me.

 

I remember I called my brother and cried to him about how miserable I felt, and all he could say was "Nat, you're strong. Things will get better."

 

All I wanted was someone to say, "I completely understand you because I go through what you go through everyday, too."

 

At that point, I wanted to search for others like me. I Googled in search of some hope, and I found this website, mybreastcancernetwork.com, and everything has changed for me.