In the Midst of Chaos, a Piece of Clarity

Natalia, people who don't have cancer will never, ever understand how you can have so much joy in your life, even as you fear everything will be taken away from you. Those of us with cancer know - that's exactly WHY we experience joy. Because this life we have is no longer something taken for granted; it's precious, because we fear we'll lose it. It sounds like a cliché, but every new sunrise, the sound of rain, a cold, clear morning, the smell of baking bread... we take pleasure in the most commonplace things, because they mean we're alive.

I'm so glad you're surrounded by family, and that you have your 2-lb. "son" - are you holding him in your lap in the picture? Because the "son" standing in front of you is surely not 2 pounds!

You've also discovered another age-old secret of happiness: being there for other people. Helping. Unlike most things in life, the more love you give away, the more you have. Love is infinite... its power limitless. Offer it wherever you go. Especially in cancer world, a simple smile, a hug, a pat on the shoulder, friendly words; well, you know how much they mean, when you're sitting in that waiting room sweating bullets. And you're right; we're truly a sisterhood. As wonderful as our friends and family are, they can't understand what we feel. That's why we've connected on this site; so that we can let down our hair (whoops, bad metaphor!) with one another. If we're having a bad day, we can complain and let it all out in a safe place, without fearing we're hurting those around us. If we're having a good day, we can encourage those feeling down. And if we're afraid and lost, we can ask questions; someone's bound to have been down the same road, and answer. 

Natalia, thanks for joining the "expert patient" group. God knows I wish none of us qualified for membership. But since we do–let's make the most of it, eh? As you say, we can beat cancer, AND have some fun doing it! God bless you, and remember, John Lennon said it best: Love is the answer.- PJH 

Oh my god, your description of feet covered in cement blocks while everyone else gets to move and go on with life is just dead-on accurate. It was exactly what I felt too. First you had a busy life with work and deadlines, family and friends and then you are diagnosed with breast cancer and for a while the world just grinds to a stop. And you've got to reorient yourself because, suddenly, everything you had before are still there but not in the same places; your priorities change, your looks change, your future certainly is something very much still in the making. It really is a comfort to find so many others in that same weird space of the "girl interrupted" hahaha. Strange but surprisingly warm world it is too. Warmer now, with you in it.

Don't worry about those cement blocks. They get lighter.

Dear Natalia:  Thank you for responding to my post...my God, woman, you are gorgeous and you are a champion and you are well, and strong and fierce.

If you want to come to Chicago to celebrate when we are both done with treatment, let me know, chica!

KayeD

Natalie,

I agree completely.  From the moment I found this website, I felt better...I found help, inspiration, hope, understanding, information, support, love...just pull out the dictionary/thesaurus and keep listing wonderful words...

I do not believe that I could have or would have handled this whole cancer thing as well as I have without this community of women on this site.

I've been following your shareposts as well.  You will be surprised at how fast the time will go...it is awesome to use this site for the journaling as well...I never want to forget how far I've come.

Thank you for sharing your story. 

Love,

Koponen (Sandy)