I just got word from my Doctor, my surgery is scheduled for 1/16/08. That makes is so much more real now that a date has been set. I have to be there at 5:30am and also have to do more (pre-op) testing. I'm some what relieved that it's after Christmas holidays but it's still very unnerving to know that this disease is still inside of my left breast - I'm worried that in the next month it will decide to jump on over and invade new territory - my right breast - and even worse, find a new abode in my lymph nodes. My Doctor said not to worry - my "environment" was such that it is slow growth for the cancer cells. My stomach is in knots and behind this fearless & smiling exterior to all is a scared little girl who just wants to cry and be held by her Mommy. I just want to go into the hospital, get this stuff scraped out, have a quick boob-job, go home for a couple of days and get back to work. It's not going to be anything like that I'm afraid. They say the surgery's going to take 4 hours (!). And I'm going to go home with only one boob. The reconstructive surgeon is going to put an "expander" in so I'll have that - but no more nipple . . . This whole thing just really sucks. I know I'm trying to sort of make light of the situation but I think that's my defense mechanism in a way. I'm just so grateful for my family, friends, church and now you guys. I'm looking at this as being in recovery for breast cancer. I've been in recovery for drug addiction, alchoholism, abusive relationships, smoking, eating and now I have a new one for my list: breast cancer. Take care all and God bless.
Those coping skills you learned dealing with your other problems are going to be there for you with this problem too. There is a grieving process involved in losing a breast, just like with other losses. You are going to be scared, mad, confused, numb, and so much more. Don't try to push away those feelings; they are a real and important part of getting through this. Writing about them can be very helpful. My mastectomy turned out to be less traumatic than I had imagined it would be. I hope you have the same experience.