Stage IV life expectancy?

Cindy, there's just no way to predict anyone's life expectancy, no matter how many facts you have. Some women live for many years with stage IV breast cancer. Others don't. Which group will your friend be in? No one knows. Until they stop treating her - i.e., they stop the chemo or Herceptin or anything else she's taking - they still have hopes that she'll live. It's when they stop treatment and suggest hospice that you know her time is limited.

All of that said, I'm sure this diagnosis makes you realize your time with her — everyone's time with her — is all the more precious, because it might very well be limited. Treat each meeting as if it's the last - not with sorrow, but with joy that she's still with you. Be thankful for each day with her. And pray and hope for the best outcome possible. Good luck to you both - PJH

Hi Cindy. There are some positives in the information you've provided. Stage 4 is serious, but is even more serious if there is cancer in the brain, lungs and liver - which you haven't included in your list. In general a figure of 20% is given for 5-year survival of stage 4 breast cancer, but you have to think carefully about this. You can't tell whether a person will be one of the 20% or not. A friend of ours had leukemia about 10 years ago and was given a 7% chance of survival. He is still with us. Look also at Lance Armstrong. Finally, I recently met a woman at the oncology clinic who has been battling stage 4 breast cancer for SIXTEEN years. Sometimes it seems there is no rhyme or reason.

The value of statistics, to my mind, is in allowing you some hope while keeping you realistic. The doctors these days are pretty good at keeping people alive and who knows what breakthroughs will be made in the coming years?

To help your friend, I think you need to gently share information with her and to help her frame questions to ask her oncologist. If I were your friend, I would be wanting to fight cancer with every weapon at my disposal and to find the strength and courage to face whatever the future brings. You have it in your power to help her do this. Be sensitive to what she needs from you.

Best of luck to you both

Sue

My wife is 34. She has been fighting for her life for 13 years. It started in her breast when she was 21. Doctors removed the breast and treated her. A couple of years later it came back in the bone then the brain. Last week we found out she has a diffuse live(full of cancer). In one week she has gone from a 4 to a 9. She can not think straight,has yellow skin and eyes, and lots of pain. We have called in hospice to make her comfortable. I guess what I'm saying is nobody knows how long. 2 weeks ago we were at my sons rodeo haveing fun. This last week has been a nightmare. I have a 16 year old daughter and a 13 year old son. They are haveing a really hard time with some regrates about the ay the took her life for granted. I have alot of regrates also. So love your friend and tell her family to live ever moment because you never know. Even before the past there life has really ended. Best of luck