I don't know how much your mom is letting you be involved with her doctors and decision making issues.  The best thing for her would be to get involved in a palliative care and/or hospice organization for pain management and counseling.  She may be wishing for death because she fears an extended time of pain.  The palliative care/hospice folks are THE experts in pain management.  Another option is an anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medication. As you say, no one knows how much longer she might live.  While the cancer was only in her bones, the answer was years.  Once the lung is involved, the prognosis is not as good, but it may be that the spot will stay small and that she will be able to do well medically indefinitely. Your story sounds very familiar to me because I had a close family member who went through a similar process with her cancer.  Ultimately, each of us chooses our own way of dealing with serious illness and death.  It was hard for us to honor our family member's method of dealing with cancer and imminent death by denying the whole thing.  But eventually we realized that we needed to let her do it her way. Your mother is lucky to have you there loving her in her bitterness.  I know it will be hard, but hang in there with her.  Let any mean comments roll off your back and do what you can.