Fear is a very hard emotion to deal with, indeed. Realistically, hundreds of thousands of women have gone through what you're about to go through, and come through it to live healthy lives. Odds are very much stacked in your favor that the same will be your experience. But this doesn't help your fear, I know; with two kids, I'm sure that your chief fear is that you'll die and leave them alone. Please read our post on fear. It may help you deal with this rough time. Understand that what you're feeling is an emotion, and a very tough one. Fear doesn't solve anything; it simply makes you feel awful. So try to validate your feelings - "Yes, I have every right to be afraid" - feel them - then try to let them go...

With DCIS, your chance of a full recovery is something like 99.9%. And having the bilateral mastecotmy will certainly reduce your risk of recurrence by like 90%. So you're doing everything possible to eliminate cancer from your life. Knowing that - you have a curable cancer and you're doing everything you can to get rid of it - will hopefully give you some comfort, if you can see through the fog of fear to the facts.

As for personal examples, I have one son (15 when I was diagnosed). I work full time (actually have one full time and two part time jobs); had invasive lobular with lymph node involvement, and had the entire experience: lumpectomy, mastectomy, reconstruction, chemo, radiation, pneumonia due to chemo, lymphedema, tamoxifen, Arimidex. And here I am, 8 years out, my son grown, happier than I've ever been.

So - I wish you all the best. And please stay in touch here - we can help. PJH

IRONSIDE

11/ 2/09 5:45am

PJ...What an incredible Icon you are for all of us. I am so glad that you are here to guide us through. Thank you.

sofietony

11/ 2/09 8:03am

Thanks so much to all of you for your advice. My first two surgeries were 10 days apart and the second one was an almost 3 hour lumpectomy which left me very woozy from the anesthesia. I have had the node biopsy radiation shots once before as well, but the procedure was stopped due to a miscommunication from the first surgeon so am really not looking forward to those a second time around with MUCH less breast tissue to work with this time. However, like all of you brave ladies, I know I must move past the fear and onward toward the hope. I really am just at a point of let's get this over with, but schedules and life continue on course. Thank you again for the advice. It will be heeded.

Being afraid of surgery in general is perfectly normal.  Fear of what your life will be like without your breasts is normal too.  And all cancer patients fear the possibility that cancer may cut their lives short.  As PJ says try to acknowledge your fears and then move on.

Many people find mastectomy to be less painful than they expected.  I was one of those.  I had just one side with 24 lymph nodes removed.  I had discomfort but no severe pain.  If you had any problems with anesthesia or wound healing related to your lumpectomies, be sure to discuss those with the surgeon.  There may be ways to avoid those problems this time.

You have five weeks before your surgery, and you'll need to be healthy and rested for it.  Consider asking your doctor for something to help you sleep if you continue to be anxious about the surgery.