Sunday, August 02, 2009 sallydee101 asks

Q: question, fears, venting 1 week in IDC

IDC,E/P receptive , 49, new diagnosis.

I am a widow, we lost my husband in jan after years of illness. This is suppose to be the kids year, a new beginning after years of me being a caregiver. No longer saying no I can't go the beach I have to feed dad.

and kaboom....

My cancer is IDC, 5mm, hormon receptive.

I am looking at a lumpectomy aug 11th and then 6 weeks of radation. I have no family history at all of any kind of cancer, that we know of.

I live 900 miles from family and scared of making it the next few months. The kids are 11,13,15,17. It was so hard to tell them, explain the prognosises is good with them just lossing thier dad....

I am all they have.

I used all my sick/vacation time when he was dying.

Radation?

I work night shift, as a nurse 40 hours a week how will it effect me? I get anwers on not to bad to worn out.....can i function leveal headed as a nurse ?

On a good work night I get 4 hours of sleep now , just momma duties.....the idea of finding 8 hours of sleep a night is overwhelming.

Lumpectomy

one doctor says oh you will be fine in a few days another answer in the office was.....you will need some time off......

My work can be physical at a drop of a hat as I do mental health lock down nurisng. From sititng playing here on the computer to breaking up a fight in a blink of an eye.

I am scared.....want so bad some one to step up say let me orginize things, shuffle kids, and help you.....

fso few friends new to the area.

No one to really say I need help.

I go from logical to tears in a drop of a hat.

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Answers (5)

PJ Hamel, Health Guide

8/ 2/09 5:50pm

Hi Sally - (Are you also Wahine? Are you in Hawaii?)

First piece of advice: Contact the nearest office of the American Cancer Society. They have many, many resources, including transportation, advice, and just plain someone to talk to, someone in YOUR area who knows about local resources.

And here are my thoughts: Luckily, it sounds like you have a "light" case of breast cancer; with a 5mm tumor, you should be able to get away with "just" a lumpectomy and radiation - no chemo. Everyone has a different experience with this treatment, so there's no predciting how yours will go. The lumpectomy is same-day surgery; if your job is very physical (breaking up fistfights), then you would indeed want to take as much time off as it takes to let those sutures heal. The incision will be small, but you wouldn't want to rip it open. I don't have a physical job, so was able to go back to work the next day.

As for radiation, some women do get very tired; I never felt a thing, truthfully, when I went through radiation. Worked full time with no problems.I hope you have the same easy experience!

I assume they'll do a sentinel node biopsy when you have your lumpectomy, to be sure the cancer hasn't spread outside your breast to one of your axillary lymph nodes. If it hasn't, then your treatment can be very straightforward, with a very high survival rate - somewhere over 90%. I'd say chances are excellent that you'll be around to play with your grandchildren!

Cancer is tough on the whole family, and I'm sure you're saying, "This just isn't fair, after what we've already been through." But I'll bet you find that your kids - and you, yourslef - are so strong, stronger even than you think. You'll get through this - together.

And you're not alone. This online community is here for you. Please post questions or SharePosts whenever you feel the need to vent, or connect. We'll be here - a virtual hand to hold and a shoulder to cry on. We'll keep you going, and lift you up when you fall. So hang in there - even though your family is 900 miles away, we're here for you, OK?

Write back anytime. Let us know how you're doing. And the best of luck to you - PJH

sallydee101

8/ 5/09 1:29am

No I am in Rhode Island.....thanks for the responces so much.

was off work and could not find the link to here from home.

I have read and read these pages, learned, cried.....and gained hope.

This weekend was poor me. Been floating, from anger, to tears, to fix it mode and back again.

Trying to learn all I can and get the kids orginized the best I can for school.

PJ Hamel, Health Guide

8/ 5/09 6:15am

Hey, cool - I lived in RI for 4 years... Your responses are normal and natural! Trust me - this DOES all get better. Things will calm down as you gradually absorb the fact that you have cancer, and move into treatment. You'll eventually look back on this as "that time I had cancer." As for the kids - they'll all react differently, I'm sure. And going back to school will probably be good, as they'll be distracted from thinking about you having cancer. You might find it helpful to read some posts my son wrote about his experience as the son of a woman with breast cancer - he was 15 when I was diagnosed.

I'm sure you'll have more questions as you start treatment - and more need to vent! We're here for you, OK? Stay connected. We can help. PJH

Phyllis Johnson, Health Guide

8/ 2/09 8:58pm

As PJ says, your incision will need to heal before you can lift and so forth. I think you will be able to work during radiation. Although teaching isn't a physically strenuous job, it isn't sedentary either, and I taught during all of my radiation. I've known many other people who have worked during radiation. You probably will need to call on the support people who helped you during your husband's illness and/or simplify your household routines because most people do feel fatigue during radiation. Try to find ways to build in time for more sleep even if the kids have to do their own laundry and the vacuuming goes undone.

I'm so sorry that you have had this diagnosis while you are still grieving for your husband. I'd say you have plenty to vent about. I'm sure you have developed lots of skills for dealing with doctors and health issues through your work and your husband's illness. Those skills will serve you well as you move through this challenge.

Ruth1968

8/ 6/09 11:27am

Dear Sally, I am so sorry you have to go through this. The good thing is you are so busy you won't have time to dwell on your breast cancer. I had the same thing last August. I read Dr. Love's Breast Book and it helped me so, so much. Also they didn't start my radiation right away, so I had time to regroup my mind if you know what I mean. The radiation was not bad, the last week the area gets tender. I think your biggest challenge is finding time to sleep. I am still a little tired a year later, so this is definitely something to think about! You will get to the point that you will be so grateful your cancer isn't worse. Wish you were closer, the kids could come for dinner! Am thinking about you, as I know so many of the thoughts going through your mind! Ruth

suejacobsen50

8/ 6/09 12:54pm

I had a 5mm estrogen based cancer in one breast. I had 4 months chemo with its associative side effects, lumpectomy and then mastectomy, as they missed the margins the first time. 6.5 weeks of radiation.

I think how you respond will depend on your age, your help you receive and the time you take for YOU.

I am a 2 year survivor and I did develop lymphedema, a mild case, but still, there is some pain everyday. I have a good primary care physican, it took me a while to find one and she has been able to help me with all of my worries medically.

I suggest you might need a light antidepressant if you find you are crying a lot. I am a big baby, and at 56 when diagnosed, still found myself crying. The meds help. Sue

Melanie

8/ 6/09 1:44pm

Oh dear... when it rains it pours. Sally, you are living through the lousiest year ever. You have been super mom, super wife and super nurse for a long time and that's a lot for any one person to handle without complicating your life with cancer. My advice is don't keep it to yourself... reach out to everyone you know both near and far and you'll be surprised at the amount of support that will come back to you. I was diagnosed with the exact same size and type of cancer as yours on Aug 15, 2008. I opted for a bilateral mastectomy and 6 months of chemo because unfortunately, cancer does run in my family (3 sisters). At first I thought I'd be the strong silent type and just handle it all myself... I'd also been the caregiver, organizer, mom, wife, boss. Why is it women think we need to wear ALL the hats? I had just been to a class reunion where I renewed old aquaintences. One of our classmates was unable to attend because he was in treatment for cancer. It struck me that though we hadn't seen each other in years, all of us were still concerned and cared about him. So I took the leap of faith and let my classmates know about my battle with cancer. I also emailed my relatives and friends that I don't see every day. The response was amazing. People I hadn't heard from in years came out of the woodwork and held me up with their thoughts and prayers. This website was also a big help because everyone here has been through it so you can voice your fears and we understand.

This was my ugly year. On Jul 31, 2008 my oldest daughter had a miscarriage, the youngest daughter was 3000 miles away dealing with an abusive husband and I got the call to come back for another mammogram because they'd seen a suspicious lump. On July 31, 2009 I'm cancer free, daughter #1 is 4 months pregnant and daughter #2 is back home and her divorce is final. What a difference a year makes! Faith, family and friends got me through it and life is more precious than ever. Mark it on your calendar and look at each day as being one step closer to being happier and healthy again. I'll send up a prayer for you on August 11.

sallydee101

8/ 6/09 8:36pm

Thanks so much for the time and conforting remarks from all.......this place has taught me so much already and seeing support from thoswe who have been there.

My emtions are up and down, scared yes more of how ill I do this and still be mom as I should.

But I will go on.......

PJ Hamel, Health Guide

8/ 6/09 10:29pm

Melanie, thanks for being here for Sally... for all of us. I always love reading your posts. As you say, what a difference a year makes. And as I always say - time heals. Nothing stays the same, good or bad; you can always count on change. So next year, I hope both of you - ALL of us - feel better than ever! PJH

sallydee101

8/ 9/09 3:37am

It is getting close to d day.......

lumpectomy tuesday. 8/11/09

I am nervous yes scared they will find more.....

worried I just dont know how I will make it and be out of work or if I can work and have radiation much less what if it comes back more.....

More worried of these things then the surgery I guess. So ready to get this thing out of my body.

I want to cry but sitting here at work, on night shift and can't give in, cant cry at home kids will see me......

I want to curl up in someone arms and be conforted as a child but seems the journey I am so alone.

ok my little demented patient needs me......time to give to someone else.

PJ Hamel, Health Guide

8/ 9/09 3:56am

Oh, Sally... I"m sorry you feel so alone. It's tough, tough, tough... But I know you can do this. You'll be surprised at how strong you are. What if... the surgery goes fine, the tumor is small, you do radiation with no side effects, and you put this all behind you within 2 months? It's possible, you know. As for crying - I used to do it in the car, on the way to/from work. Nice privacy, unless you're at a stoplight! Have you tried contacting your local American Cancer Society office? They sometimes offer help in ways you didn't even know you needed; and they're someone RIGHT THERE to talk to. And, finally - you're a good person, always giving to others - at home, and at work. Somehow, you'll find that this giving comes back to you; and that you go through this experience smoothly, with people giving to YOU when you need it most. Best of luck Tuesday - I'll be thinking of you. PJH

Q: question, fears, venting 1 week in IDC

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