Saturday, May 22, 2010 Shannon asks

Q: Emotional sadness over the loss of a breast

Thank you for your wonderful advice about clothing my friend was very pleased.

Now for my next problem. It has been less than a month since she had her breast removed. The doctor this past week removed the staples and Kathy is so very depressed about losing her breast. She feels so unattractive and told me that she does not want her husband of 40 years to see the scars. I live across the country from her and can only console her by phone. I told her that all this will past and she will always be beautiful to us who love her. Can you give me some advice to help her get through this? What would be some things that I could do this far away to let her know how beautiful I think she is? My heart just breaks for the emotional pain she is going through!

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Answers (3)

PJ Hamel, Health Guide

5/22/10 9:11pm

You sound like a very good friend, Shannon. There's no easy fix here; you're doing exactly the right thing, reassuring her. Fact is, she won't look like she did pre-cancer; and she has no choice but to get past that and into her "new normal." She has to go through a grieving process, just as though she'd lost a loved one; there's no going around or over this, she has to walk right through it, suffering all the way. But you know what? Time heals, it truly does. And eventually (though it may take a long time) - she'll feel better.

Has she considered reconstruction, or an implant? Both of those can be done months or even years afterwards. Perhaps if she was able to restore her figure, at least in clothes, it would give her some confidence, and something to look forward to.

As I said, there's no silver bullet here. Mastectomy can be devastating. Syay in touch with her, and keep telling her that "this, too, shall pass" - she WILL feel better in time. Good luck - PJH

Betty H.

5/23/10 11:40pm

It is a scary thing, and it will get better. Your scar will become a sign of victory; you won the battle! I did not get a reconstruction, but there are those options out there for you.... I instead got a lovely floral tattoo which made it a not so scary area of my body. Every time your husband sees this scar, he will be reminded of how lucky he is to still have you.... and you should feel this way too. Best wishes for your recovery and God bless. You can do this!!

sandy smith

5/24/10 10:51am

in jan of 08 i found a lump in my right breast, went to the Dr. he said it felt like a tumor, he sent me to a breast center they ran all the appropiate tests and the end result was stage 4 metastatic breast cancer.. wow!!! my immediate response was what means more to me??? breast ha,ha!!! or breathing and more time with my children and my husband who is by the way a 18year survivor of esophageal and colon cancer. the latter won and i requested both be taken asap. because they DO NOT!!! define me. i am a whole wonderful person,scars and all and the alternative was a no brainer. so tee your friend that her karma and her essence is more than a couple of bumps in her chest. scars heal and as long as she can inhale and exhale she is blessed. from one who has been there and is still fighting. so CHIN UP!!!!!!!!

Q: Emotional sadness over the loss of a breast

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