Hi...I am a very private person that can just resolve just about any challenge I have and am in a career that I take care of people issues and give them resolution to their issues, but when it comes to myself needing someone, I always just resolved the issue and moved on, may I ask I had such difficutly telling my family, my one son was to take his agility for the police force, and I did not want to burden him and my other son was to contine his career with now the army. I found out in January on my b-day that I had cancer, and I only confided in my store manager, for she had the strength of separation of issues. I did finally confide in my sons a week before I had a bilateral mastectomy, and in fact today I get my staples out. but even with my mother, I had my brother tell her and she and he came to the hospital the day after my surgery. I had fears that my mother would not be there for me, and I really needed a big hug from her as well as my boyfriend that I finally told this past mon, 2 weeks after my surgery, for he as well never has time for me. I have always been there for the 2 of them, but I could not turn to them. Knowing that I would get rejected in the darkess time of my life. Now my life is no longer dark for I now am thankful to my doctors who were there for me and helped me. but I have a hard time when it comes to John and my mother, for I could not turn to them. any suggesiton can you advise me on coming to terms with this. I would be truely grateful. take care and be well....Judy
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Q: may I please ask why is it difficult to confide in others, when you are a private person
Judy, I'm so sorry you've had to go through a double mastectomy and at the same time, were unable to get the emotional support you need. This is indeed a difficult issue. Sometimes the perople you need most seem to turn away just as you need them. Remember, this isn't due to any shortcoming in YOU - it's their personality, something in their own heart that's not letting them be close to you. Maybe fear; they think they'll lose you. Maybe selfishness; they weren't brought up to love. who knows? But whatever the reason, YOU are not the cause.
Perhaps, as someone who always helps others, you don't quite know how to ask for help yourself. If you'd told John and your mother right away what you were going through, told them right out — "I need help, please" - would they have been there for you, do you think? Perhaps they're acting on your cues that seem to be saying ot them, "I'm OK, really, I don't need anything" (which is the natural reaction of someone who never asks for help for themself).
So, maybe right now you should try speaking to htem in plain English. Telling them you really do need their support. Asking them if they'll be there for you as you go through treatment. If not - well, you'll know what you're dealing with. And you'll move on, or make the best of it.
Good luck Judy - I'm sorry for your troubles. - PJH
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