I feel like I make other people uncomfortable. I mean, I feel like the fact that I now have breast cancer makes other people uncomfortable. Also, horribly, I wish I was getting more sympathy. My husband has the attitude of: well, first my hip was replaced, then my father died, and now my wife has breast cancer. (This is true, it has all happened within the last three months). I guess my question is, how do you get what you need? And, how do you deal with other people's callousness or discomfort?
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Q: How do you deal with other people? their discomfort, lack of sympathy, etcetera.
Answers (2)
4/ 9/09 9:40pm
I found that it was often up to me to set the tone with friends and family. If I was matter of fact or cracked a joke, then they usually felt more relaxed. The truth is that many of the people we are counting on may not have any experience dealing with a person with a life-threatening illness. I can certainly remember times when I didn't know what to say or how to help someone. Now that I've gone through cancer, I understand better how to help other people.
I also found that no one could give me everything my family and I needed. The people who were good with practical help weren't necessarily very good on the emotional support. Some people had a knack for saying the wrong thing, but I gave them points for trying to help instead of ignoring me. It was the people who ignored me who hurt me the most. You may need to be direct with the people who are closest to you like your husband and very best friends. Be specific about how you are feeling and how they can help you. Remember that the more someone loves you the more pain they are also feeling. They may be afraid of breaking down or showing you how scared they are.
4/10/09 11:04am
I know how you feel. Some people treated me like I had a death sentance so I decided not to take any of those phone calls I made my husband handle those calls. I have been lucky enough to have other postivie people in my life to keep my spirtits lifted. Try to find those that are positive and surround yourself with their energy. I never felt that way I have always stayed strong with the positive outlook that this will not defeat me I have to much to live for.
As for your husband, well I have pretty much gone through that to, so much that I went to counciling by myself to handle him and his distance towards me. I finally had to lose my temper and tell him that the only time I really feel alone with this bump in the road is when I am with him. That I need for him to just listen to my fears and hug me without saying anything and just to be there if I should have my moments of falling apart. That was just about a 2 weeks ago and I think I have reached him mentally cause things are changing.
Hope this helps you.
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By Anja P— Last Modified: 12/26/10, First Published: 04/09/09
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