Thursday, August 14, 2008 stepaheda asks

Q: Emotions after double mastectomy???

Hi this is Stepaheda,

to PJ or anyone out there who can understand what I am feeling. I just about 3 1/2 weeks ago had a double mastectomy. And up until now every thing has been ok, during the surgery we were also in the middle of a move(to another state). And everything did happen a little fast, but with all of that I kept an up beat attitude. And now for some reason, the last 2 or 3 days I have not felt my self. I've felt very low, "depressed". And that is just not me, everyone feels low every once in a while. But I am usually able to shake it off in a few hours. I told my boyfriend, I don't know what is wrong with me. Is this normal to have this happen after surgery, I have been blessed not to have to have chemo or radiation. So I should be so happy, I am have reconstruction right away.

I think I worry about it coming back, even though they say they got it all. One of the ladies in my group just finshed her treatment, and the cancer is already back. What change do I have??? Just let me hear from someone who understand what I am feeling.

Keep up the fight,

Stepaheda

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Answers (6)

PJ Hamel, Health Guide

8/15/08 9:13am

Hi Stepaheda - OF COURSE you're going to feel sad! You've just lost a big part of your body, which is very challenging. But just keep in mind, you haven't lost YOU—the you that's inside, in your heart. Cancer is a rock in the path. Step over it; the path will still be there. Time will heal both body and soul, but you can't rush it. Don't try to "shake it off;" feel your sadness, validate it, realize it'll pass, and then just keep moving forward.

Please read my piece on feeling sad. I hope it helps. And please keep in touch here- We are ALL here for you. - PJH

thebestdeb

1/13/10 9:42pm

Well said, PJH!!

PJ Hamel, Health Guide

1/14/10 6:59am

Thank you - I want us all to remember, we can get through this TOGETHER. A burden shared is a burden lessened. I picture a long line of women holding hands, with more continually joining the end of the line. We're supported from in front, and behind. We hold on tight, and move forward together. PJH

Angi

8/15/08 11:04am

Stepheda, what you feel is VERY normal. You just went through something that was extremely major and had an impact on your body as well as your mind. Let me tell you a secret. When I was first diagnosed as 31 I had to get a mastectomy, then do 4 rounds of chemo. Once I finished it was like everything hit me at once. Here was a time I should be celebrating life and all I wanted to do was die - not in a go get my gun shot myself way, but more like a please just take me way. Sooner or later it all catches up with you. Sometimes it hits you like a brick wall. A 1 1/2 later I had my other breast removed and started reconstruction. Mid-way through my plastic surgeon told me my cancer returned. Everyone thought I was in shock, but I wasn't. I'm more level headed as I see it all as a been there done that kinda thing. I have some down days - I'm not happy my reconstruction efforts were put on hold for 6 months or more, but I am happy to be alive. My surgeon literally saved my life. I feel very fortunate - even more so once I found out my recurrence is from one little cells that just grew over the last 3 years despite having a mastectomy. So allow yourself those down days, and cherish the others. Surround yourself with positive things and keep focused on what matter - and for when those down days come around, I say have a bowl of ice cream, or some chocolate or be lazy and cuddle up in bed to a good movie - or just do something you enjoy. You need to take time for yourself so that you can heal emotionally.

I'll tell you that it always seems to happen too fast - then in the aftermath we are just left with our heads spinning. It's okay to have those down days, but if you feel that you are being sucked into that depression viod then you might want to talk with someone - even talking with your partner helps. Just do whatever you can to avoid that full fledge depression from sinking in. And remember, we are ALWAYS here to help- OK?

Best of luck to you!

Angi

Carla

10/15/10 4:38pm

This week I was just diagnosed with DCIS Stage 0 (pre-cancerous) Grade 3. I am BRCA1 so I new my risk was very high. So now I am faced with what to do next and all the decisions that need to be made. My husband is being awesome but I just don't know which way to go. I feel like this is just a bad dream but I know that it is real. My doctor is awesome and he is pushing me to move fast but I feel so overwhelmed anxious scared and unsure. I thank God that it is not full blown Cancer bc my sister is a breast cancer survivor of 3 yrs. I am just very confused scared etc.

I was just wanting to get some insight from women who have gone or going through this now.

Thanks

Carla

Phyllis Johnson, Health Guide

10/15/10 8:17pm

Carla,

Of course, you are scared and confused. Often DCIS does not need aggressive treatment, but your BRCA status adds a degree of complexity to the decisions you make. Keep reading on this web site about decisions other women in your situation have made. You might also want to check out FORCE. FORCE: Facing our Risk of Cancer Empowered is a group of women who have a genetic risk for breast and/or ovarian cancer, so they have lots of information about both the emotional and medical issues for women with BRCA 1. Keep in mind that as you read about other people's decisions in the end, you are the only one who can decide. It's good that your doctor and husband are supportive, but after gathering as many facts as possible, you need to do what feels right for YOU.

stepaheda

8/15/08 12:11pm

Thank you, Thank you, both PJ, and Angi. For helping me to see that this is normal, you reply and just knowing that you ladies are there has helped me so much. I know I have to keep fighting the hard fight, but I love what you said about just taking time for me. That has always been hard for me, because I have always put others before myself. But maybe this is the time to turn over a new leaf on life, I've been given a second chance. I will be turning 50 this oct, and I have a wonderful man in my life and we just moved to a new place so I have a lot to be happy about I just have to put things in there right place. Like you said this is just a rock in the road, I just need to step over it. Thank you both you are God sent.

Keep those words of wisdom coming, we need them.

Stepaheda

maggie

12/ 5/08 8:48am

Hi Stepheda it's maggie here i had a double mast on the 16th june 07 it's very hard when you are on your own (whilst your partner is in prison only 4months)halfway whilst hubby away i was told not good ha, 29days b4 hub comes homes i had both removed not a great feeling.I wanted so much to get back into the sex life but things changed no tits hey that changes everything for us females,yes i'm sure things will change again once i have my reconstrution just remember it's only been 18mths 4me so i have a little longer to go.The emotions that go through everybody i supose would be different each to there own i would say.My feelings have changed dramitcaly towards sex to tell you the truth n i dont know you i dont like having sex anymore all because i feel i aint a women anymore.I have my fingers crossed that it will all change soon as i have reco.if you would like to talk more reply

amy

7/21/09 3:02am

After I was diagnosed, my surgery date was set for 2 weeks after that. I didn't think it was going to be any big deal. I had cancer, this was the second time. I had no choice and it had to be done.

For the two week waiting period I told everyone that I didn't want any sadness. I had a good support team on and by my side on the day I had surgery. I told everyone that if there wasn't going to be joking around while I was waiting at the hospital for my surgery, then I didn't want them there. It was supposed to be no big deal, like I said before.

First two weeks after surgery were thankfully drug induced and I don't remember most of it. The third week came and it hit me like a ton of bricks what had happened. I fell completely apart. I was either bawling my eyes out or laughing hysterically.

Going from dr appt to dr appt in a haze with my head just spinning. Everything just started snowballing with no sign of slowing down. Getting appt cards in the mail for a ps or for the oncologist and just showing up when I was supposed to. Hoping that I could get answers of some sort, looking for some sign to tell me either to go ahead and have reconstruction or that it wasn't for me. The more I reasearch and read, the more I lean towards not having construction.

I also have diabetes so there is a better chance than not that the proceedure wouldn't take and I would have to start all over again. I'd love to hear from someone in the same situation/delima that I'm currently in.

I do however agree that just because we were unfortunate to loose our breasts to cancer, we did NOT lose who we are. And I can't think of a better way to think of it than the rock in the path analogy.

Good luck to you and God bless.

stepaheda

7/21/09 9:57pm

Hi Amy,

So happy to meet you. I had my final surgery on May 26 of this year. It was a little bit more surgery time than we had planned due to the need to remove more scar tissue. But I have to say I am happy now that I had it done. The doctor did a very nice job. If you had asked me this about 5 mos back, I don't know what I would have said due to all the pain and scar tissue issue. But with time and the help of many people I have learned how to make things much better for my self in the healing area. As far as my Diabetes, surprisingly it has done very well during this whole cancer thing. I just try to be very careful with my sleep, eating, stress level, and I try to make sure I walk at least 2 to 3 days per wk. Some time that is not easy, but my boy-friend is a big help in this area. It's been 8 wks this wk since the last surgery, and the dr just gave me the ok to start driving today, and now I can start doing my tai chi again. Which is a big help in my healing and range of motion. Please feel free to contact me any time if you need to talk. Are you having reconstruction done? or what treatment are you having at this time?

OK my dear I hope to hear from you again, and welcome to the blog.

Stepaheda

Jan

6/ 7/10 10:58pm

Just remember, ladies, unless you choose to alter the internal chemistry of your body, you will stay in a diseased condition. Cancer cannot thrive in an alkaline environment. However, if you continue to feed yourself sugar, refined flours, meat and animal fat, your ph will be ripe for cancer to reappear.

I encourage everyone to pray about your decisions long and hard regarding breast cancer. The "standard of care" makes one feel like if they don't follow the doctor's orders and immediately, they will die. I am not dead yet, and was diagnosed 2.5 years ago. No matter what you decide, make a commitment to stop feeding your body junk food and drink, and too much of it! Try fasting, and cleansing your body temple from all the toxins and impurities that have accumulated over the years. Cancer is an epidemic - it wasn't always this way. We are killing ourselves due to our lifestyle choices, and the $800B cancer treatment industry is profiting. My surgeon told me that when cancer has metasticized to the lungs there is no cure. When I asked why they put people through all the torture of chemo and experimental drug therapy at that stage, she said, "Because we have to give them hope. If they don't have any hope, they will just die sooner." God has created our bodies with a natural immune system to battle disease. Strengthen it and pray for wisdom! Here's a wonderful website to explore: http://www.freedomyou.com/fasting_book/fighting%20cancer%20with%20fasting.htm

Edie

6/13/10 4:32pm

Amen, sister. Read A Cancer Battle Plan by Anne Framm

hopeforever

1/29/12 6:10pm

Hi!

I found your post very interesting as I too have chosen to change my diet and water instead of undergoing radiation after my double mastectomy. My surgeon told me they want me to undergo radiation as a preventitive measure as the path results showed one of the spots was very close to not having a clean margarine. They think I am crazy that I chose to stick to my natural way of prevention and not go with radiation. I agree that one should pray about it to know what is right for them. How have you been doing I wonder? I just had my surgery about 3 weeks ago. I am 29 years old and have two young daughters who I am now trying to change there eating habits (big struggle) but I know they are at a greater risk of developing breast cancer now because there mom had it.

PJ Hamel, Health Guide

1/29/12 9:43pm

Each of us is free to make our own decisions. These are our bodies - and we have to be comfortable with the path we choose to take care of them (as well as live with the consequences). Best of luck to you as you go forward, and to your daughters, too- PJH

Phyllis Johnson, Health Guide

1/30/12 5:53am

Keep in mind that you can change your diet AND have radiation. Since cancer is often a slow-growing disease, it might take five or ten for a single escaped cell near that margin to multiply enough times to show up again. Changing your diet might slow down that progression to ten or twenty years. If you were already 60 years old, those changes might slow down the cancer so that you would never see it again before you died from some other cause. It's also possible that the doctor did get every cell and that you would not have a recurrence no matter what you did or didn't do. Some of the people who tell you that radiation or diet prevented a recurrence for them wouldn't have had one anyway. Only large scale studies can compare the effectiveness of one method to another.

You are only 29 years old. In ten years, your children will still need you if it turns out that your diet changes are not enough. These decisions are very personal, and radiation isn't easy. Of course, completely changing your diet for the rest of your life isn't easy either. At age 29, using every possible weapon to prevent a possible recurrence makes sense to me. My best wishes to you whatever you decide to do.

Q: Emotions after double mastectomy???

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