Laughter doesn't always signal happiness - it can be a release of deep emotions, even grief. Worry, pain... all can sometimes result in laughter, strange as it seems. You're going through such a hard time right now - if you feel life is unbearable, you really should speak to someone who can help you, emotionally. You're no doubt thinking "I could use a job, some money, and to not have cancer," but at the same time, you have to care for your psyche - you want to avoid slipping into depression. So please, please... ask your hospital social workers what they can offer you in the way of counseling, given you're unable to pay. I'd wager they can help... Take care- PJH