Living With Quiggles: Do Not Touch

Stigma:

1) the recognition of difference based on some distinguishing characteristic or mark;

2) a consequent devaluation of the person

Quiggles: a made-up term (by the famous sociologist, Erving Goffman) to identify all of the variations and difference of the human body which occur either from birth, daily wear and tear, accident, or illness which can be, and will be, stigmatized.

If my parents were still alive they would probably take a teensy bit of satisfaction from knowing that the old saying "what goes around comes around" has certainly come home to roost in my life.  When I was little we lived in a small midwestern town where just being sure everyone had a warm winter coat that fit was the issue.  In my 4-year old experience a fur coat was something which the animals wore.  Therefore, before even beginning this story, I'd like to state that  in my own defense it is no wonder that during my first trip to the big city that I petted every fur coat I found.  After all, my parents had taught me to love and respect animals.

Unfortunately the petting  included where I could reach the fur on the very pretty lady in the crowded elevator, the very same pretty lady who turned around and slapped my dad.  After this stunning event, my family's newest motto (in fact mantra) on every subsequent trip into the city was taken directly from all the signs we saw in the lovely shops - "Do Not Touch" - it was either drill that into my brain or put a 4 year old in a straight jacket,  at least for the winter visits.

Today, I wish that every adult had grown up with that same "do not touch" rule, because then just maybe they'd keep their hands off of me.  It seems like the entire world feels that it is appropriate to pet, or at least pat me.  But here is the interesting thing, this behavior never occurs when I am walking or standing, only when I'm riding a chair or using a scooter for faster or more prolonged mobility.  As an adult I  feel even more adamantly that fur should only be worn by the animals (excepting the human kind) and I can also assure you that  I'm not that enticingly soft to pet or pat.

So what's up with all these shoulder and head touchers, most of them strangers?  (If you are one of them, I'd sure like to hear from you what you are thinking.)  Is it how people  think that they are demonstrating acceptance?  Is this a gesture which they hope communicates:  "You are included here?"  Since I seldom  observe them patting anyone else in the room, at least with me they miss the mark.  I read the gesture as yet another form, although subtle, of how people stigmatize.

Yes being stigmatized can be very subtle.  During my keynote speeches on Living with Quiggles I often sit a horrid pink stuffed animal on the podium beside me.  I'm sure this visual puzzles the audience to no end  the entire time I am lecturing.  Finally I do get around to explaining the little stuffed beast was given to me when I was using my wheelchair at a carnival.  The man running the ring toss booth handed this "prize" to me for no reason -- something a little child would love I'm sure.  I almost gave it to the next one who ogled it, but thought better of it when I realized what a great visual of how stigma can sneak into our lives this hot pink critter was.  Maybe I should carry it constantly and figure out a way to divert the "patters" to it -- even though the fur is fake.