Ten Christmas Questions for Mom and Dad

Christmas is a fairly binary experience for most families: it works or it doesn't work. Part of not working is the absence of connection and communication. Most of working is the abundance of those two things. Below are some questions to get the connection between you and mom and dad going when the last piece of pie has been eaten and nap time is looming large. Both naps and football games have a way of making everyone invisible even though they're sitting right beside each other.

What people want more than anything is to know that they mattered. The experiences they've had are part of that mattering. If you spend some time asking these questions my bet is that you will communicate that they matter and you will find some fascinating things out about your parents. Here goes ...

How did you two meet each other and what was the first date that you went on together?

When did you know you were going to be together?

What was the first job either of you had and how did you choose that particular situation?

What was it like raising your children and what were some of the biggest joys and challenges you had?

What was the place you lived that you enjoyed the most and why?

Who were your best friends as you were raising your family?

What role has your faith played in your lives and when have you called on it the most?

What were the most significant challenges you faced as an individual and as a couple? How did you handle each of those?

Where is your favorite place in the world and what does it mean to you?

What would you like to be remembered the most for? What would you like to have us remember that you taught us?

What's the greatest experience you've had in your lives and why do you think it affected you in that way?

As you read these you might be thinking that your parents would never answer questions like these. I would bet a wad that they will. How come? Because what people want to do more than anything is talk about themselves. These questions allow you to help them do that and create a context for letting them create their life story in a way that makes sense for both them and you.

There's an old saying that people don't care about you until they know you care. There's an even older admonition that says the most interesting people are the most interested -- in someone other than themselves. I think the questions above communicate to your mom and dad that you are both interesting and interested.

The upside to the questions is that if they don't work you can always go back for seconds on the pie and hope the third down ends up in a completion.