New Year's Resolutions for Caregivers

I love January the first. It's like the greatest day of the year. First of all, it's the great "do over". No matter what the last 365 days were like the first of January is the Great Eraser. Everyone gets a new start.

So, if you're a caregiver and had a good year or you're a caregiver and had a bad year, here are my thoughts for the next year for you and your parents:

1. BE KINDER -- Parents didn't ask to get older and they didn't expect to have to ask you for help, money, groceries, or driving them places. Just remember in a few more Rose Bowl Parades, some Trick or Treating, and Labor Day at the beach, you will be there. Just be kind to them. It doesn't really cost you anything and unless you're into crafts, you don't have to make anything.
2. VISIT MORE -- The thing about getting older is that there are fewer people around over time. People move away, they die, they remarry, they form new relationships. Building 30 year friendships is harder at 70 than at 30. You don't have to discuss world peace or global warming when you stop by. It's the stopping by that's important.
3. TAKE SOMETHING TO THEM -- Older people love to get things. Primarily because they've had a lifetime of giving if they are good folks so it's nice to be on the receiving end. Take little things...like lasagna or sun tea or raspberry licorice sticks. Take them a book you liked to read or one on tape. Take them an article or the name of someone new in the neighborhood. See if you can fill up their kitchen cabinet and emotional cabinet with things to choose from.
4. TALK ABOUT THE FUTURE -- Most people think that the only future that older people have is just getting older. It's an arrogant view of the potential of youth and a depressing one of the status of the aged. You are here until you are not and even then there's a good chance you're somewhere. What can be big about a future when you're getting older: almost everything if you reframe it.
5. TELL THEM YOU LOVE THEM -- I stopped by the little country cemetery where my mother and father are buried right before Christmas. I thanked them for the gazillionth time for all they made possible. It occurred to me as I was standing there is that when they are gone they are gone. Do everything now that you want to do. Tell them how much you appreciate them, care about them, and love them.

My sense is that most New Year's Resolutions end up like that exercise equipment advertised on television ... under the bed.

These resolutions if practiced probably won't.