It seems virtually no one wants to go to a nursing home, and
most caregivers do not want to institutionalize a loved one, but
even though you may be committed to home care and have no intention
of utilizing the services of a nursing home, circumstances may
arise that make institutionalizing your care recipient a necessity,
not a choice. It is possible that, after a stay in the hospital,
your care recipient may need a period of specialized care of the
sort you can’t provide at home. Or, you yourself may become
ill and need to find a nursing facility that can care for your
loved one while you recuperate. Perhaps your care recipient’s
condition will progress to a point where you can no longer provide
the level of care needed. At that point, intermediate or skilled
nursing care may be required on a long term or even permanent
basis. If any of these things occur, you will find yourself,
perhaps very unexpectedly, in the position of needing to evaluate
and choose a nursing home.
Like so many issues in caregiving, the decisions surrounding
this process involve very practical considerations overlaid with an
emotional component. Rita LeBraun cared for her mother for five
years before the ravages of Alzheimer’s Disease made it
impossible for Rita to handle her alone. Yet, despite the fact that
she knew that her decision was the right one for both of them, Rita
recalls the day she put her mother in a nursing home as “the
worst day of my life.”
Ted Masters still feels guilty about the way he felt when, after
eleven years of caregiving, the doctor told him he had to
institutionalize his severely disabled wife. “I hate to admit
it,” he says, “but I was relieved.” Feelings of
sadness, relief, guilt, and a sense of having failed may all be
experienced, either singly or in combination, when the time comes
to put a loved one in a nursing home. As time goes on, and the raw
emotions of the moment subside, one of the most important areas of
comfort will be knowing that you have chosen the right home for
your care recipient. Here is a guide to help you do just that.
