It’s easier to give than to receive — if you can afford it: Giving to others can be hard but has its perks, including earning high praise for the giver for accomplishing good. Receivers, on the other hand, are placed in the uncomfortable position of having to feel beholden to those who are giving to them. It’s no wonder then that most of us would rather give than receive. But endless sacrifice on the part of determinedly generous caregivers is a luxury few of us can ultimately afford. Drawing down our reserves of energy and good will takes a cumulative toll that will deplete us. Receiving support and help from others is the only way we can fulfill our missions of effectively caring for our loved ones.
There is giving in receiving: As with the Buddhist monks mentioned above, caregivers can take comfort in the idea that when they do accept help — for instance, from adult children, extended family members or eager neighbors — they are giving those people the opportunity to give and thus make themselves feel righteous and good. Of course, the manner with which the caregiver accepts the help matters. If you accept it grudgingly, then you decrease the joy of the giver. If you accept it with all graciousness and gratitude, then you make the giver glow.
Teach your children well: When older caregivers allow their adult children to take care of them and then thank them for it, they are teaching their progeny the value of generosity and caring for others. They are also making a more specific point about families: It’s not just that parents take care of children but that family members stick together, particularly in times of duress, and care for each other.
What goes around, should come around: The world isn’t always a just and fair place. But there is inherent fairness when family caregivers receive at least a little help in return for all that they do for others. Seen in this karmic context, family caregivers’ willingness to accept and utilize support is simply keeping in line with the workings of the world; rejecting help violates that balance.
