In caregiving circles we hear a lot about the word "support".
Family caregivers regularly seek supportive relationships with
other caregivers, knowing they can provide the emotional sustenance
needed during difficult times.
What support doesn't do however, is change the circumstances
under which you are living. It doesn't relieve you of some of your
responsibilities. It doesn't minimize the job at hand. That's the
work of a different word - and that word is HELP.
I looked the word help up in the dictionary. There were 22
different entries. Here are just a few of them:
Providing help is something that caregivers know a great deal
about. It is what we do every day. The question is how often does
someone lend you a helping hand? If you are like most caregivers,
the answer is not often enough. According to NFCA's Caregiver
Member Survey, 65% of caregivers do not get consistent help from
other family members.
But how do you get the help you need, and where do you find it?
Just as you have to reach out to get support and be open to
receiving it, you need to reach out and ask for help, and know how
to accept it when it is offered. This isn't always easy.
I have found that the first step in getting help is the
recognition that caregiving is far too big a task to undertake
alone. This is true for all caregivers, but particularly for those
who are assisting loved ones with multiple needs, or providing
round the clock care.
Some people have a hard time admitting they need help. They feel
guilty even thinking they can't juggle everything themselves, or
they believe no one else can do their job as well as they can. They
forget that the totality of caregiving, like all jobs, is made up
of lots of individual tasks, not all of which are of the same
importance, or require the same skills.
Because caregiving is such an emotional experience, I believe
the best way to get a handle on the help you need is to create a
very unemotional list of all of the things that need to get done-
cooking meals, mowing the lawn, filling out insurance forms,
driving your care recipient to the doctor, helping her dress.
Making the list is fairly easy. It's also a great way to vent your
anger and frustration because it shows you in black and white that
you really do have a lot on your plate.
