Changing Roles
"Once a week, after I take the kids to school, I then take Mom to her doctor's appointment. Then I take her home and make her lunch and sit with her awhile. She argues with me every time because she wants to do it herself. It's hard for her to have to rely on me." - Lynn
Whether you're younger or older, you may find yourself in a new role as a caregiver. You may have been an active part of someone's life before cancer, but perhaps now the way you support that person is different. It may be in a way in which you haven't had much experience, or in a way that feels more intense than before. Even though caregiving may feel new to you now, many say that they learn more as they go through their loved one's cancer experience. Common situations that many caregivers describe:
- Your spouse or partner may feel comfortable with only you taking care of him.
- Your parent may have a hard time accepting help from you (their adult child) since she's always been used to caring for you.
- Your adult child with cancer may not want to rely on his parents for care.
- You may have health problems yourself, making it hard physically and emotionally to take care of someone else.
Whatever your roles are now, accepting the changes may be tough. It's very common to feel confused and stressed at this time. If you can, try to share your feelings with others or a support group. Or you may choose to seek help from a counselor or psychologist. Many caregivers say that talking with a counselor helped them. They feel they were able to say things that they weren't able to say to their loved ones. See "Talking with Family and Friends" for more tips.
Coping with Your Feelings
"It's emotionally exhausting, and I never know what to expect. One minute, things are looking up. Then a couple of hours later, something happens and I don't have the answers." - David
You've probably felt a range of feelings as you care for your loved one. These feelings can be quite strong and will likely come and go in strength as you go through treatment with the patient. Many caregivers describe this as "like a rollercoaster." You may feel sad, afraid, angry, and worried. There is no right or wrong way to feel or react to these feelings.
