For older adults, the holidays are often bittersweet: Your mom and dad may become more aware of the passing of time, the absence of their parents, the loss of their siblings and friends who have died, and the distance of loved ones who can no longer celebrate the season with them. Many family traditions that they once looked forward to are now gone. It’s easy to see how the picture-perfect images of the holidays – when seen through the lens of real life – never come into focus.
Dr. Roger Cadieux, Clinical Professor of Psychiatry, Pennsylvania State University, College of Medicine sheds further light on holiday blues: “The holidays are potentially both joyous and stressful, especially for the elderly. It is a time of high expectations and anticipation. If the expectations are not realized, then the individual may feel very disappointed and even guilty. The elderly, whose physical and emotional stamina is not at a level of their children, grandchildren and other relatives, are all the more vulnerable to depression.”
"And widows or widowers," Dr. Cadieux warns "may experience an anniversary reaction around the holidays. They are reminded of what they had and, unfortunately, what they have lost and may become very depressed at this time of year."
So what do you do? Dr. Cadieux and the American Geriatric Psychiatry Association suggest that you do not ignore it. Instead try to anticipate those who may become depressed at holiday time or be sensitive to the signs and symptoms of depression and attempt to make an early intervention. A candid discussion about how they are doing emotionally may be both revealing and useful.
Here’s what the American Geriatric Psychiatry Association recommends:
Acknowledge that the holidays can be difficult, and that you have mixed feelings, too. Many people don’t want to admit that life is not always as cheerful as portrayed in the media or in advertisements.
- If the older individual is not eating or has lost weight, you might start by gently asking about their appetite or why they do not seem interested in food or preparing for the holidays as they have in the past.
- Once you have gotten past the initial awkwardness, you may be surprised to learn that your loved one will talk to you. At that point, it is up to you to listen and offer support.
- Too often, younger friends or family members do not want to hear some of the less than pleasant aspects -- emotional and physical--of growing older. But one of the most important things you can do is listen.
- If you notice a dramatic change in your parents’ behavior surrounding the holidays -- no decorations adorn the house, cards aren’t sent like always or they don’t care about sharing gifts -- then gently ask what’s going on? Perhaps they’d be open to creating a new tradition, such as doing something spiritual to honor the memory of a deceased loved one or create an event that you ask them to be in charge of. Some older adults miss their old role of hosting family events as they are now relegated to being guest.
