When Your Loved One Isn't Very Loveable: Part I

(Page 2)

For many, the loss of self-determination and the loss of freedom are the root of the difficulties. Says Dr. Figueroa, "Most of the problems I see stem from the fact that we forget the person's developmental needs. We know what the medical needs are and we try to oversee those carefully, but as the person loses autonomy, they begin to act out." Figueroa has seen children refuse to take medications or eat right in their efforts to maintain control.

"I've seen kids with cancer who have run away," adds Katie McGuire, program service coordinator with the Muscular Dystrophy Association. "With ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease) and many other illnesses, you are losing control of everything. So you need to control what you can--which is often the caregiver."

Understanding that made a huge difference for Virginia Hoffman. "My husband lost control of is life and began to control mine. He wanted me with him all the time, and refused to allow others - even our son - to help care for him."

Understanding Why

Learning the cause of the difficult behavior is the first step in figuring out how to deal with it, says Dr Peter Rabins, professor of psychiatry at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, and the author, with Nancy Mace, of "The 36-Hour Day," considered by many to be the bible for the Alzheimer's disease caregiver.

Rabins says the first stop should be to the family physician to make sure the correct diagnosis has been made. In one case I know of, an elderly woman became very agitated seemingly for no reason. She had fallen and broken her hip, but because she could not remember the fall or locate the source of pain, she acted out. A visit to the doctor located the break, and she regained her calm demeanor.

Depression also is a common side effect of long-term illness or disease, and left untreated, can manifest in an array of difficult behaviors, says Dr. Nathan Billig, professor of psychiatry at Georgetown University Medical Center, and the director of the University's Geriatric Psychiatry program. Given proper medications, the unwanted behaviors often disappear.

 Email this page |   Printer friendly |   Bookmark this page