My first three pregnancies I was suffering from Crohn's Disease, and just assumed it was a symptom of gestating. After baby #4 the intense pain was worse than labor, and a persuasive nurse advocated for help in finding a diagnosis. I think it is a gift from God that we forget pain, it becomes hazy as a memory. I remember more the fear. I didn't want to die and leave my husband and little children. For the first time I felt mortal, and sobered that my life was not a fairy tale happily-ever-after story. It was hard work, and it hurt. It hurt to drink, or eat anything-instant body reaction to that little bit taken into my mouth. I would run to the bathroom, explode in pain on the toilet, feeling like I would die sitting there, whimpering.
Surgery removed 1/3 of my colon, and I insisted on seeing what it looked like, what had caused the gnawing, crippling, doubling over cramps. What they removed met my expectations as monster. Easier to blame a made up creature than accept my body had been fighting itself. I wish doctors and researchers well on the journey of discovery and the reasons WHY. Not just "why me" but how to avoid it incapacitating my children, does it run in families, does diet matter, will maintenance medication save me, if stress triggers relapses how can I avoid it?
Pain made me more sensitive to others' pain. I learned that we all have something we are dealing with, some physical, emotional, or mental, or even spiritual. As we look back on our 20 year marriage and decisions we have made, my husband feels he learned how to serve and be more selfless because of what I suffered. I could only do one thing in a day, and had to prioritize. I decided that the thing I wanted most for our children was to be strong spiritually and never curse the heavens for what I was going through. But to find peace and the ability to bear the burden because of the help offered. Pain is not something anyone can go through alone. It is softened, when shared. That memory of love given is fresh and strong, and the pain fades...
(quilt block is coming in mail!) Jennilyn is a member of The Flying Geese Quilt Guild, member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, mother of six children, choir director, and mural artist for hire!
