"Grin and Bare It"

        by L Wickes

As an artist and psychotherapist living with acute and chronic pain. I am struggling with integrating the experiences of having a rare disease (Cushing's) into a life quite unlike the one that I had imagined.

 

Because the disease went undiagnosed for many years, I have survived multiple fractures, surgeries and radiations. The disease is caused by a pituitary tumor and carries a long list of symptoms including, unexplained bruising, fractures, muscle deterioration, excessive weight gain, "moon face", cortisol induced glaucoma, high blood pressure, fat deposits on the back of the neck (buffalo hump) to name a few.

 

I have endured multiple invasive procedures, a hysterectomy, breast cancer and radiation, foot, ankle and back fractures, injuries that limit the use of both thumbs, a failed spinal fusion which has left me unable to walk more than a few feet without a walker, two unsuccessful brain surgeries, cataract surgery and Pituitary Proton Beam Radiation. I am hopeful that the radiation has begun to stop the progression of the disease. I am less optimistic about pain relief as I have tried many treatments without success.

 

"Grin and Bare it" is an expression of the, frustration and effort it takes to cope with the result of a single symptom of the disease (shifting teeth and numbness caused by nerve damage from the first brain surgery). It channels the psychological impact of my experiences into a singular primal symbol which also represents my determination to accept the reality of a negative situation while also striving to make the best of it and savor the blessings in my life.